


strawberry shortcake

by onhos



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Angst, Bakery, Co-workers, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Panic, Happy Ending, Lee Jeno Needs a Hug, Lee Jeno is Whipped, Lee Jeno is a Panicked Gay, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pastry Chef, Pining, Romantic Comedy, Sweet Lee Jeno, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, a whole lot, heres a muffin haha IM IN LOVEW ITHYOU-, im sorry, of fucking pining, the author takes the concept of (not actually) unrequited love to the extreme plus sweet treats, there was more than I thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onhos/pseuds/onhos
Summary: Chenle is Jeno's favourite. His sweet treat.He steals a little bit of icing when he thinks Jeno isn't looking, and he falls asleep on the cash register, and he starts food fights practically once a week, but he's still Jeno's favourite.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 11
Kudos: 43
Collections: NCTV Secret Santa 2020





	1. cupcakes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [980517](https://archiveofourown.org/users/980517/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come on, then. Back to work."
> 
> Chenle puts down his mug on the table with a thump and groans.
> 
> "Just five more minutes."
> 
> "Yah, I'm paying you. You work for me. Come on." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI :) this is a fic for the nctv secret santa <3 hope everyone enjoys, lots of love<3
> 
> (note to my secret santa,
> 
> i was super nervous about writing your pastry chef prompt, since i don't know much about it and i didn't want to get it wrong. hopefully you like this!! thank you!!
> 
> i really hope you enjoy this fic. it made me really happy to write it, and it was really lovely writing for you!!
> 
> from gia!!
> 
> p.s if you want to be friends, i'm @daystarkyuhyun on twitter!!)

There's snow in the air.

It isn't here yet, but Jeno feels it anyway. The cold morning breeze bites the parts of his face that aren't hidden by his scarf, turning the tip of his nose bright red. He longs for the warmth of the bakery, as he slams his car door shut behind him with gloved hands. It won't be long before he's in his warm shop, _Sweet Lee's,_ but meanwhile the pastry chef ducks his head against the cold and steps out into the street.

The bakery is on a street corner. In the dark early morning, with the doors shut and the lights off, it hardly looks welcoming. But Jeno knows better. When he turns on the lights, they cast the bakery in this warm orange glow, as homely as the smell of bread and cake. He put a lot of work into making the bakery _look_ as nice as his creations taste, and he hopes it pays off - underneath his confidence in his work is a little insecurity, always a niggling thought that says _is this enough? did I do enough?_ He hopes so.

On the street corner, just outside of the bakery, is a figure. They're leaning against the window, and Jeno knows that slump of the shoulders, that long dark sweater, well enough that he knows it's Chenle immediately. He smiles under the cover of his scarf, his heart jumping a little when Chenle's face comes into focus under the street light before resuming it's regular rhythm. After two years of working with the younger man, he never gets used to him, never stops feeling that rush of _oh, I-_ whenever he sees Chenle. Jeno thinks he must just be a hopeless romantic, always seeking after his charming and completely ridiculous assistant even though he knows his crush is unrequited.

"Good morning." Jeno smiles, upon reaching him. Chenle's eyes are shadowed with sleep, and he looks at Jeno with a crooked smile. 

"No normal person should be awake at 5am." Chenle says. 

There's a backpack on his shoulder, probably containing his apron and his textbooks. His hair is dark and under the streetlights he looks pale and lovely, like a morning angel. His sweater has slipped with the weight of his backpack, exposing a little of his shoulder, and Jeno swallows and looks away from that small spot, the glimpse of skin that must be soft and cold to the touch. He focuses on Chenle's bike, instead, hooked securely to the bike rack.

"I wasn't under the impression we were normal people." Jeno says, smiling with his eyes as he unlocks the bakery door and opens it for Chenle. 

"Speak for yourself." Chenle says, brushing past him and into the bakery. Jeno is caught in his warm, husky smell and stands motionless in the doorway for a second before clearing his throat and stepping inside. The door makes a gentle tinkle as it closes behind him.

For a moment they stand in the dark, and then Chenle switches on the lights and the bakery flickers into focus. There are a few circular tables near the door, and the walls are cream. They're painted with small, cute doodles of cakes which Renjun painted for Jeno when the bakery first opened. 

Jeno pulls off his coat and scarf and pulls on his apron, tying it securely around his back instinctively. When he first opened the bakery, he used to fumble with the strings. Just as he was nervous about not being a good chef, he would struggle too with the morning ritual, the key fumbling in the lock and the apron and the hairnet. As he rolls up his sleeves now, though, anyone looking at Jeno would know that this was where the head pastry chef belongs. Chenle, meanwhile, makes no movement.

"Come on then." Jeno claps. "Let's get to work."

"It's early." Chenle whines. Jeno has never understood why he continues to come to the early morning shifts - Jeno himself had insisted he could open the bakery on his own. Yet Chenle, sleep loving, stubborn Chenle, refuses to let him do it alone. "Can't we have a coffee first?"

This is a familiar conversation, and Jeno already knows Chenle has won. Every morning they end up spending an hour at a table, sipping coffee while Chenle sleepily rambles. Afterwards, there's an inevitable rush to organise everything before their 7:30 opening time.

"A quick one." Jeno warns, but Chenle's wicked smile shows he isn't listening.

"Yes, boss." Chenle laughs, and falls gratefully into the chair nearest to him, throwing his backpack on the floor.

When Jeno drifts to the coffee machine to make their coffees, he realises how whipped he really is. If it were anyone else taking up space in his seating area, demanding a coffee and delaying their work, he would surely gently scold them instead of succumbing to their wishes. Damn that kid, Jeno thinks, trying to suppress his smile as he fills two mugs. The warm musk of coffee fills the room, and Jeno inhales it gratefully.

"Hurry up." Chenle calls, "We haven't got all day."

Jeno refuses to turn around. He's grinning despite himself, and Chenle cackles, knowing fine well that his boss likes him far too much to deny him anything. That's the worst part, Jeno thinks fondly, Chenle knows he's got Jeno twisted around his little finger.

Eventually, the coffee machine makes a final spurt and then falls silent. Jeno takes the two mugs to the table where Chenle is stitting with his legs crossed. He holds out his pale hand to take the mug from Jeno, and their fingers brush - Chenle's, cold from the outside, and Jeno's, still gloved. Chenle's face doesn't change, he just sips at his coffee, even as Jeno's stomach flutters. Jeno looks away from Chenle's mouth around the rim of the mug and slips into the chair opposite him.

"Thanks." Chenle sighs gratefully. The coffee _is_ good, Jeno thinks. It's warm and strong, and though Jeno doesn't need it the way Chenle does, he appreciates it anyway.

"Did I hear that right? Did you just say thank you?"

"Don't push your luck." Chenle says, and kicks him under the table, and Jeno's smile widens as he drinks.

The silence is always comfortable with them, the way it can only be between two close friends. Chenle watches out of the window, letting the world pass by, and Jeno watches him. The curl of his dark hair around his ear. The sharp curve of his eyes. When Chenle turns back to him, Jeno looks away quickly.

"How's your project?" Jeno asks.

"I'm still working on the proposal." Chenle sighs, "I submitted it last week, but my tutor didn't like how my question was written. She said it was _too vague._ So I keep rewriting it and rewriting it but it just doesn't- It doesn't come out right."

Jeno nods, listening. There's a frown line on Chenle's forehead he wants to smooth away.

"And I know that this is my last year at University, and I should be working hard, but I'm just so- I'm so-" Chenle pauses and looks down into his coffee. "I'm so tired, hyung."

_Ah_. Something inside of Jeno softens, and he leans across the table to pat Chenle on the head.

"Yah- hyung." Chenle jumps away from him, spilling a little coffee on the table, and Jeno smiles. "What was that for?"

"You're doing great." Jeno says sweetly. He loves the way that Chenle's cheeks turn pink when he's embarassed. "It's gonna be okay, Chenle."

Chenle grumbles under his breath, staring resolutely into his coffee, and Jeno loves him. Loves the little things about him, like the bracelets on his wrist and the coffee stain by his mouth and his collarbone. Thinks he might never stop falling in love with this sharp, adorable man who stumbled into his bakery one day. Jeno distracts himself by pulling off his winter gloves, trying not to reach across the table and press a kiss against Chenle's mouth.

"You know, everyone told me I would never be a baker. They said I was wasting my potential." Jeno says, "Now look at me. I've never been happier."

Chenle pauses.

"They did?"

"Sure they did. My friends thought it was a joke, and my teachers thought I should pursue business." Jeno shrugs, gesturing proudly to his shop. "I followed my dream and I made this bakery. I've still got a lot to learn, but I guess what I'm saying is that, there's no easy road to what you want. You have to work hard, even though it'll be tiring."

Chenle considers this for a moment. His eyebrows knit together, and Jeno finds it hopelessly endearing.

"Yeah," He says quietly, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks, hyung."

"Two thank yous in one day?" Jeno laughs, "It's a Christmas miracle."

The morning moves slowly like this, passes in a blur of Chenle's eyes and hot coffee. Eventually, Jeno has to cut the peace short.

"Come on, then. Back to work."

Chenle puts down his mug on the table with a _thump_ and groans.

"Just five more minutes."

"Yah, I'm paying you. You _work_ for me. Come _on._ " 

Jeno holds out his hand and pulls Chenle to his feet. His hand is soft in Jeno's, delicate and warm, and Jeno swallows while Chenle complains.

Reluctantly, Chenle pulls on his apron. He reaches behind his back and tries to tie the strings, but his fingers fumble the way Jeno's did all of those years ago. Jeno smiles fondly and steps towards him, his hands covering Chenle's and guiding them away from the string. 

"Let me." Jeno murmurs. He ties the apron tight with his heart in his throat, hardly daring to breathe. "It just takes a little practice, you see?"

Chenle nods. The knot is tied, but Jeno lingers behind him, his hand pressed against Chenle's lower back. Breathe in, breathe out. Jeno wants to draw him into an embrace from behind, but he won't, _can't,_ make Chenle uncomfortable like that.

"Sorry." Jeno says. He steps backwards. His shaky breath admits more than he's comfortable with. "Come on, we've got work to do."

*

Cupcakes are one of Jeno's favourite desserts.

There's a simplicity to them he adores _._ The fluffy cake mix, the icing, the _possibilities._ He loves to watch the small brown cakes rise in their cases. Piping the icing on top afterwards, is a delight that Jeno appreciates. When he first started learning he was clumsy, the cakes turning out messy more often than not, and even though he still makes mistakes, he's proud of his progress. He loves being able to display his cupcakes in the front window.

Today, he stands in the kitchen and ices the cupcakes. His hands are steady as he pipes, and his tongue is between his teeth. He dances a little to the radio as he does works. Already, there are colorful stains on his apron. They're a sign of his hard work.

He thinks the days he gets to work in the back are his favourite. It's lovely to serve happy customers, of course, but what he loves the most is the art of creating. There's this warm, grateful feeling he has whenever he's finished his work that he craves often, and can only get from baking.

"Hyung." A voice says from the doorway. Jeno jumps, and the butterfly wing he was carefully icing onto the cake is ruined. Instead of being annoyed though, Jeno turns to smile at Chenle, who's standing looking at him.

"Chenle." Jeno says warmly. "What's wrong?"

"The delivery is here." 

"Oh, that's early. Thank you." Jeno goes to wash his hands at the sink, "You can start unloading. I'll be there in a second."

Chenle nods and disappears. Jeno wipes his hand on a towel and then heads to the back of the bakery, where a large truck is waiting with their delivery of ingredients. The air is cold, especially when the breeze hits Jeno's bare arms, but he ignores it and steps outside. Chenle is nowhere to be seen, so Jeno steps towards the truck.

"Here we are." The delivery driver reaches down to hand him a box from the truck. 

"Thank you."

Jeno reaches up to take it, and the weight is heavy in his arms. He bears it, his muscles straining against the weight, and carries it back into the bakery, stopping at the pantry to put it down. Chenle is already there, looking miserable.

"What's the matter?" Jeno asks.

"Not all of us are weight lifters." Chenle grumbles, and Jeno laughs at him.

"Come on, just a few more."

So they carry the boxes from the truck to the bakery together. Finally, the last box is handed out, much to Chenle's delight. The two of them reach up to grab it at the same time, their arms brushing, and Jeno gives Chenle an amused smile as Chenle yanks the box away from him. 

"I'll get it." Jeno says, trying to take the box from where it rests now in Chenle's arms.

"No," Chenle says stubbornly. 

Chenle sniffs and walks away. Jeno shrugs, amused and fond, and follows him.

The pantry has looked better, Jeno thinks. He should probably organise it soon - it's definitely on the to do list. There are boxes stacked in every corner, and the fridge is almost bursting because it's so full. Jeno watches Chenle try to navigate the chaos, and his heart jumps when Chenle trips on a box and almost falls.

Quickly, Jeno catches him. There's a _crash_ as the box falls from Chenle's arms and hits the floor, but all Jeno cares about is if he's okay. Chenle seems so delicate in his arms. He looks up at Jeno with wide eyes, his cheeks taking on an embarrassed flush. If Jeno leaned down and kissed him...

No, Jeno thinks, even as his eyes flicker to Chenle's mouth.

"Are you okay?" He murmurs, his heart thumping in his ears. He feels like his head is full of icing sugar.

"I'm fine, hyung." Chenle grumbles, pushing out of his arms and brushing down his apron. He leans down to pick up the box, and puts a few bags of flour back inside, since they had fallen when the box had hit the ground. 

Jeno watches him, and falls deeper and deeper.

"Good." He says, and his heart whispers _come back._ He doesn't say it.

*

When the cupcakes are finished, Jeno places them into a tray.

He looks down at them with a proud smile before picking up the tray carefully and taking it out of the kitchen. He places them on the counter, and then looks out into his bakery happily. It's not so busy today, but not many days are. Still, Jeno treasures the customers that are there. There are the elderly, sitting by the window and having a cup of tea. Children who want sugary food and workers with a sweet tooth in need of a break. Jeno appreciates all of them, and he leans on the counter watching the customers for a moment.

"Hey, boss." Donghyuck says, from where he's making a coffee in the coffee machine. Jeno sends him a sweet smile.

"How's it going out here?"

"Fine." Hyuck smiles back, and raises an eyebrow. He gestures to the cash register. "But this one isn't much help."

Jeno turns. He laughs when he sees Chenle, his face pressed against the cash register, his eyes tight shut. He snuffles in his sleep, and his dark hair falls over his face. He's so cute, Jeno thinks, his heart bursting. He steps forward, his eyes smiling.

He presses a gentle hand to Chenle's head. He means to ruffle his hair to wake him, but he ends up threading his fingers through the soft hair instead.

"Yah." Jeno murmurs, "Chenle. I'm going to fire you."

"Hm?" Chenle hums, his eyes still closed. He leans into Jeno's hand, and Jeno's ears turn pink. Then Chenle's eyes flutter open, and he blinks. "Hyung?"

"Sleeping on the job?" Jeno asks. He can't quite bring himself to take his hand from Chenle's head, so he just ruffles his hair instead. "You know better than that."

Chenle sits up, and Jeno's hand falls from his head. He rubs his eyes cutely, frowning.

"Sorry, I-" Chenle spots Donghyuck laughing, and his frown deepens. "Yah!"

"Are you getting enough sleep?" Jeno asks, his voice warm and concerned. Chenle's eyes flicker back towards him, and a smile ghosts across his features.

"Yeah, hyung. Just-" Chenle shakes his head. "Sorry, it won't happen again."

"It's the fourth time this week." Hyuck pipes up, and Chenle scowls. 

"No one asked you."

Hyuck sticks out his tongue and serves the coffee to an amused customer. Jeno takes advantage of the peace.

"Don't work too hard. I can easily adjust your shifts if you're-"

"It's fine, boss." Chenle says. Stubborn as always, Jeno thinks fondly.

"Sweet dreams, then." Jeno giggles. He looks at Chenle for a moment, and wants to say something, _anything._ "I won't go easy on you, if I catch you slacking again."

Chenle's eyes glint with laughter.

"Yeah, you will." He teases.

It's true. Of course he will. He's Jeno's favourite.

"I'll leave you to it then." Jeno says. He pauses, reluctant to leave Chenle, who's already getting ready to open his register again. Bless Hyuck, Jeno thinks. He'd taken over Chenle's duties for a while, while Chenle slept. "You know you should always rest when you need to, right?"

Chenle's eyes flicker to him. Jeno wants to take his hand, to tell him how wonderful he is, but he doesn't.

"And don't touch the cupcakes." Jeno warns. Chenle's smile is deceptive.

"I won't." He lies.

Jeno leaves Chenle there, sitting at the cash register behind the counter. He nods at Donghyuck on his way out. He should go back into the kitchen, should get back to work. But he pauses in the doorway, glancing back at Chenle one last time. He doesn't notice. He's talking to a customer, a crooked smile on his face, resting his chin on a hand. He's beautiful under the low winter sun, hazy and pretty, and Jeno's breath catches for a second.

"Alright there, boss?" Hyuck drawls in his ear. Jeno jumps, his cheeks turning pink. He looks away from Chenle quickly.

"I was just-"

"Yeah, yeah." Hyuck puts a hand on his shoulder. "You know, I'm pretty sure they say you should never date your coworker."

Jeno splutters.

"What?"

"I'm just saying, be careful." Hyuck gives him a wicked smile. "Falling in love in a bakery seems cliche."

"I'm not-" Jeno ducks his head. "What are you even talking about?"

"But it _is_ sweet, I've got to admit." Hyuck continues, "Have you told him?"

"I haven't got time for this." Jeno says, and turns away.

"That's a no then." Hyuck laughs. "Maybe you should, hyung."

Jeno escapes back into the kitchen as quickly as he can.

"All's well in love and pastry." Hyuck calls after him, laughter loud in his voice. I'm glad _he_ finds it funny, Jeno thinks, his face bright red.

*

The afternoon comes to a close, eventually. The sun is slowly disappearing, leaving with it darkness and the half moon. There are a few hours until closing time, but the darkness casts a weariness over the city, makes the lines shorter and the streets quieter.

Jeno hums to himself as he takes a break. He drinks coffee at the counter and watches the sky through the bakery windows. There's a peace to winter Jeno can't find anywhere else - things that are warm are infinitely warmer when it's cold. He's excited for the snow, for the cozy nights when he can watch it from his bed, for the hot cocoa and movie nights that comes with the holidays.

There's a rustle of an apron and then a warm arm is pressed against Jeno's. Jeno glances to the side, where Chenle has come to stand beside him.

"You're slacking, this time."

"I'm taking a break." Jeno says softly, "There's nothing wrong with that."

Chenle's face remains impassive, as he stares out into the bakery. Often, Jeno finds himself wondering what the younger man is thinking. He bumps their shoulders together.

"Are you doing anything fun tonight?"

"I don't think going to the library counts as fun." Chenle sighs.

"Definitely not." Jeno grins, "But isn't that a bit much to be doing after a shift?"

"It's fine. I'm going to sleep all day tomorrow." Chenle gives him a crooked smile. "You worry too much."

"I don't worry about anything." Jeno smiles back, enjoying the feeling of Chenle against his side as the sun sets.

Chenle lets out another sigh and then rests his head on Jeno's shoulder. Jeno's heart stutters, and he goes stiff for a moment as he tries to process the way Chenle leans on him, the way his hair tickles Jeno's cheek. After a few seconds of being frozen, he finally lets himself relax.

"Long day?" Jeno asks quietly. 

"I'm taking a break." Chenle repeats Jeno's words, imitating his voice, "There's nothing wrong with that."

"You're a brat, you know that?" Jeno laughs.

"You love me." Chenle shoots back, and he doesn't know, he'll never know, just how true the words are.

For a moment, Jeno lets himself be selfish. He savours the feeling of Chenle against him and lets his eyes flutter shut, lets his heart reach out. It's peaceful and warm and _everything,_ it's everything, until the door tinkles open and the moment is broken.

"You guys look cozy." Jisung's voice rings out into the bakery, and Chenle laughs and stands up, going quickly to hug his friend. Jeno swallows and looks away, ignoring the jealousy that whispers in his ear. 

"Jisungie." Chenle says happily. "Are you coming to take over my shift?"

"I am." Jisung pulls a face. "Boss can't cope on his own, you see."

"Its just for a few hours. Hyuck needed to go home." Jeno laughs, "It's nearly closing time anyway."

"I'm still going to complain, though." Jisung says, winking at Jeno before turning back to Chenle. "Go on, go away. You've been here since this morning." 

Chenle giggles and tries to untie his apron, but his hands fumble again. Jisung rolls his eyes and turns to Jeno, who's smiling fondly. Jeno steps out from behind the counter and unties it for Chenle. He tries to even his breathing when his hands brush Chenle’s warm back. 

"I can do it myself." Chenle says, frowning at Jeno, who tilts his head and smiles.

"I know." Jeno says, "I like to take care of you, though."

He hadn't meant to say it, but Chenle's mouth twitches into a small smile, so the embarassment is worth it. Worth it even when Jisung cackles behind him. Jeno unfolds the apron from Chenle's shoulders, his hands gliding across Chenle's back.

"You're embarrassing, hyung." Chenle grumbles. 

Then, Chenle's eyes dart to the counter. Before Jeno can stop him he steps away, and quickly runs over to the counter, where he pops a butterfly cupcake into his mouth from the tray.

"Yah! I warned you about the cupcakes-" Jeno yells, and tries to catch him, but Chenle giggles.

"See you on Monday." He sing songs, and disappears out of the door into the cold.

As he watches Chenle untie his bike and climb onto it, Jeno's smile fades. His heart is pulled towards the door as Chenle rides away. He misses him already, and it's humiliating. Jeno sighs and turns away.

"You okay?" Jisung asks. He takes Jeno's hand and gives him a sweet smile, and Jeno loves the kid. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jeno squeezes his hand and goes to pull away, but Jisung doesn't let him.

"Are you sure? Because it seems like the thing with Chenle is getting to you and-" Jisung shrugs, embarrassed, "I'm here, if you want to talk about it, or something."

Jeno pauses. He runs his free hand over his face. Chenle's eyes are still in the back of his mind.

"God, it's just so hard to work with him." Jeno sighs. It's hard to admit it. He doesn't meet Jisung's eyes, but Jisung runs his thumb over the back of Jeno's hand.

"You're a professional." Jisung says fondly, "You got this."

Professionalism doesn't come into it, Jeno thinks. When it comes to Zhong Chenle, he's as far from professional as he could be.

"I'm not so sure about that, but thanks." Jeno says, and ruffles Jisung's hair. "You're a good kid."

"I am, aren't I?" Jisung smiles.

"Get to work." Jeno laughs. His heart feels a little lighter, though he still aches in Chenle's absence, as if every second they're apart is painful to him. Silly, Jeno thinks. He wishes he'd just stuck to loving desserts.


	2. chocolate chip cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno finally catches him and pulls him into a hug, laughing when Chenle squirms in his grip. “You’re such a brat.”
> 
> “You love me.” Chenle grumbles.

It’s Jeno’s day off. 

On the days he spends away from work he likes to go to the gym, or relax watching movies. Even in those days he feels a restless pull towards the bakery - he misses it, as if he's spending a day away from home. It's _his,_ after all, it's his very own creation. He built it from the ground up. Sometimes it feels foreign to be away from it.

Jeno sips on his tea as he walks through the cold city streets. People bustle back and forth in the early afternoon for their lunch breaks, tired faces and kind eyes slipping past him while the wind bites at them. Jeno's scarf is tucked into his coat, his soft hair hidden under his hat, and he doesn't feel so cold. Just enough to know it's winter. He appreciates the freshness of the air.

Jeno has always loved walking. He finds the sound of his feet on the pavement and the murmured conversations around him lovely, even in dark days where stress or exhaustion climb on his shoulders. 

The only problem is that as he walks through the city, Jeno _knows_ where his feet will take him. Knows with certainty that soon enough, he'll be hovering outside of Sweet Lee's, looking through the glass at his bakery. It's not only because of the comfort the bakery brings him, either. It's because he knows Chenle will be there today.

Making chocolate chip cookies, Jeno thinks happily. He wants to try them. He imagines Chenle in his apron, hands covered in dough, and his heart bursts.

Just as he predicted, Jeno's feet eventually slow outside of the bakery. He glances inside through the window and smiles a small, fond smile when he sees Donghyuck and Jisung laughing at the cash register with their eyes crinkled. The door tinkles as Jeno steps inside.

"Afternoon, boss." Hyuck calls, saluting him from behind the counter, and Jeno grins.

"How is everything?"

"We've got it handled, don't you worry." Jisung says sweetly.

"And the cookies?" Jeno asks.

"It's been very quiet from back there." Hyuck says, raising an eyebrow, "And when I asked, Chenle just said perfection takes time and pushed me out of the door."

"Of course he did." Jeno chuckles. 

"Do you want to order anything, boss?" Hyuck gives him a warm smile, and Jeno returns it.

"I'm alright." Jeno lowers his voice mysteriously. "I'm just waiting for the cookies."

"Of course you are." Jisung winks. 

As if by magic, there’s a bustling noise from the kitchen and then Chenle emerges from the back door. His apron is stained beige and brown, and there’s some of the mix on his cheeks, too. He stands proudly with his tray, his hair sticking up at all angles from the heat of the oven, and Jeno melts.

“I’m finished!” Chenle announces, his cheeks flushed with pride, and slams down the cookies on the counter. He runs a hand through his hair, but his smile fades when he meets Jeno’s eyes. “Boss? What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t miss this.” Jeno says, and plucks a cookie from the tray.

“Yah, I’ve told you a million times to spend your day off _relaxing,_ not worrying about us...”

Jeno tunes out Chenle’s lecture and bites into a cookie. It’s still warm, and it’s sweet on his tongue. They’ve been cooked a little long, hard around the edges, and there’s too much chocolate in them, but Jeno loves them anyway. Finds the imperfection far more endearing than if they had been flawless.

“‘S not bad.” Jeno mumbles through his mouthful, and Chenle throws the oven gloves at him.

“I’m serious, boss.” Chenle continues his rant, leaning forward on the counter with those piercing eyes. Jeno’s eyes catch on the irritated line of his mouth. “If I catch you here one more time when you’re meant to be _resting_ I’ll throw you out myself.”

“I look forward to it.” Jeno jokes, and Chenle narrows his eyebrows. He flicks Jeno hard on the forehead. “Ow!”

“Serves you right.” Chenle sniffs.

They eat a few of Chenle’s cookies happily, complimenting him and giving him helpful advice at the same time. Hyuck ruffles his hair and Chenle ducks his head away, embarassed, but there’s a flush in his cheeks that betrays his delight. Endeared, Jeno takes a bite of another cookie.

“You’re eating too many.” Chenle says, and takes the tray possessively in his arms.

“You worked hard, hyung.” Jisung says, “I’ll go and set them up for you. I’m sure the customers will love them.”

Chenle hands Jisung the tray with one last warning glance before striding back over to the counter. Jeno is still leaning on the other side of the counter, and he watches Chenle move towards him. He savours the way the light falls on his neck, on his messy apron, on the unruly curl of his hair. Chenle comes to stand opposite him, and his face changes.

“Hey, you’ve got-“ Chenle leans across the counter, and Jeno’s heartbeat quicken. Up close he can see Chenle’s eyelashes, can see the bare lines of his face. Chenle’s cold, soft fingers brush over the side of his mouth. “There you go.”

Jeno reaches up and wraps his fingers around Chenle’s wrist. Chenle’s hand hovers over his face, and Jeno’s heart catches in his throat.

“What is it?” Chenle asks, his eyes flickering nervously over Jeno’s face. All Jeno wants is to keep him there, close, this boy who smells of dough and chocolate.

“I-“ Jeno swallows. Drops his wrist. “Nothing. Sorry, Chenle, I’m just tired.”

“Yah, this is why I said, you should be _resting...”_

“I heard you the first time.”

“Stupid hyung.” Chenle grumbles, and moves away to go back to the kitchen. “Go home, okay?”

I _am_ home, Jeno thinks. In his bakery, almost happy, with love like thunder growing inside of him. _That's_ home.

“The cookies need work.” Jeno calls after him.

“Yeah, yeah.” Chenle drawls, closing the door behind him.

*

“Where’s that kid?” Jeno murmurs to himself.

He pauses to glance up at the bakery. Underneath his hands are the accounts and inventory for that week, and Jeno turns back to the papers, scribbling down information. Half of his mind, though, is caught in the low lit cafe. His thoughts are distracted. Once again he glances up, his eyes lingering on the glass windows for a second before turning back to his work.

Chenle is an hour and a half late, and this hasn't happened before. Jeno's foot taps nervously on the tiled floor as he writes. His mind keeps coming up with all sorts of scenarios to explain Chenle's absence, but he works through it, ignoring the worry tugging on the edges of his heart.

The door tinkles open, and Jeno glances up hopefully. But it's only an old woman, probably here for a cup of tea and a scone, and he gives her a bright, forced smile before turning back to his work. 

“My favourite baker.” A warm voice says, and Jeno’s heart lifts. “Long time no see.”

He looks up to find renowned artist, and his close friend, Huang Renjun. He smiles at Jeno quietly from behind the counter, his hands in his coat pockets, and his nose is red from the cold. Delighted, Jeno laughs and steps away from the counter, his worry eased just by seeing Renjun. He pulls him into a tight hug.

“You’re back!” Jeno says. He grins, his paperwork forgotten. “How was America?”

“New York is gorgeous at this time of year.” Renjun replies.

“And the exhibition?”

“It went better than I thought it would.” Renjun admits. He gives Jeno a shy smile. “I’ve still got a little jetlag from the flight back though.”

“Sit down, sit down!” Jeno fusses, “We have a few cookies left, I’ll get them for you.”

“Oh, that’d be great.” Renjun sighs gratefully. He sits at a chair and unravels his scarf. “How much do you want for them?”

“Nothing.” Jeno waves a hand, and moves to get cookies before Renjun can protest.

The two of them are the same age - they’d fought for their dreams _together._ When Jeno had opened his bakery, Renjun had painted the walls for him. When Renjun had his first ever exhibition, Jeno was there with baked goods and all of his love to support him. Though they haven’t known each other since their childhoods, only meeting through their mutual friend Jaemin, the three of them have worked hard for a long time.

“Here you go.” Jeno says, placing a plate of cookies in front of Renjun, as well as a steaming coffee.

“You’re a star.” Renjun bites into a cookie. “Have you seen Jaemin, lately?”

“I have. We went to the movies last week.” Jeno smiles, thinking of his childhood friend who works as a chef downtown. “Have you?”

“Not yet. I came straight here once I landed.”

“Because you knew I’d give you free food?”

Renjun pauses to take a swig of coffee.

“Maybe.” He says, and winks at Jeno. “By the way, who made these cookies? They’re cute.”

“Chenle.” Jeno says, and Renjun’s eyes glint.

“Ah.” Is all he says, but it makes Jeno’s ears turn pink.

“Look, I’d love to stay and talk, but...” Jeno gestures to the counter, and Renjun nods.

“Of course.” He smiles, and Jeno ruffles his hair before going back to the counter to finish his paperwork. He glances up every now and again, and Renjun always gives him a reassuring smile. It’s great motivation.

About twenty minutes later, the door tinkles again. Jeno tries not to look up, but he can't help himself. When his eyes flicker to the door, his heart sinks. Chenle is shuffling inside, shaking the snow from his hat, but there's an undeniable exhaustion in his face, and his mouth is tugged down into a frown.

"Afternoon." Jeno says, when Chenle reaches the counter. Up close there are shadows under his eyes.

"Sorry I'm late, boss." Chenle murmurs. 

Jeno hums, and Chenle looks up at him from under his winter hat.

"I'm sorry." Chenle says again, running a hand over his face. "It's just... uni stuff, you know? You're not mad, are you? Because I can make up the extra time-"

Jeno shakes his head and walks around the counter. He gives Chenle a reassuring smile.

"Should we step outside, for a while?"

Chenle nods gratefully.

Once they're in the biting cold, Chenle leans against the wall of the bakery and closes his eyes. Jeno looks at him for a moment. His edges are softened by the pale winter sky and his weariness, and his hoodie sleeves are covering his hands, and Jeno wants nothing more than to take Chenle in his arms and warm him in his embrace until Chenle is able to take on the world again. He settles instead for leaning on the bakery wall beside him.

"What's going on?" Jeno asks, "Is it the project?"

When Chenle lets out a gentle sigh, his breath comes out in a white whisp. 

"I missed my first deadline." Chenle says quietly, "That's why I was late, I was finishing my work. And I only missed the submission deadline by a day but I feel so-"

_Disappointed_ is the word Chenle doesn't say, but Jeno hears it anyway.

"I just... I tried so hard, but I couldn't make it." Chenle says. His face stays expressionless, but Jeno knows better than to take him at face value - his own heart sinks when its set beside Chenle's sadness, and he wishes he could take it away from him. Knows deep inside that he would do anything if it would make Chenle smile.

Jeno struggles to find the words for that feeling, so he steps away from the wall and holds out his arms. 

"C'mere." He says, warmly. 

Chenle hesitates before walking into his arms. Jeno holds him, this wondrous, hard working student with sharp eyes and a heart of gold. He feels his warmth through their winter coats.

"Do you remember how excited you were the first time I met you?" Jeno asks, squeezing him tighter.

There's an amused huff from against Jeno's chest.

"You burst through the doors, and there was this huge smile on your face, and you said there's a help wanted sign in the window, and I said do you want a job, and you said... do you remember what you said, Chenle?"

There's a pause. Jeno breathes in the smell of sleep and cheap cologne.

"I said _, I just want to bake_."

"Yeah. Exactly." Jeno smiles, " _That's_ all you need. Culinary school is hard, I know it is, but don't ever lose what's brought you here. It's because you love it. Without that, it would be pointless."

Chenle ducks out from under his arms.

"You're too optimistic. How can that be enough?" Chenle asks, "My cookies were-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Jeno warns, and ruffles his hair. "Your cookies weren't perfect, but who's are? They were _yours._ "

"I suppose." Chenle sighs. But the frown lines on his forehead have faded a little, and his mouth twitches when he looks into Jeno's sincere face. "But I've been studying for so long, surely I should be able to master something so simple."

"We all get caught up in the simple things sometimes. If you want, I can help you," Jeno says, "We can retry the cookies tonight, if you aren't too busy?"

"Okay." Chenle says. His eyes grow more hopeful, his posture loosening, and as he relaxes so does Jeno. They look up at the white sky together. "Do you think it will snow soon?"

The moment feels like winter. Like cozy nights by the fire and frozen fingers on the walk home and dark mornings. Jeno nods.

"I think it's going to be a cold winter." Jeno says, and bumps their shoulders together. "Are you ready to go back inside?"

Chenle nods. Jeno moves towards the door, but stops when he feels Chenle's hand tugging at his sleeve.

"Thanks, hyung." He says. He speaks quietly, vulnerable in this rare moment of sincerity, and Jeno pauses. 

He's always so desperately in love with Chenle, but it's moments like this when he's reminded of the bright eyed boy who'd burst into his bakery wanting a job. He'd been falling for those eyes ever since.

"It's nothing." Jeno replies, easily. The intimacy between them in the moment stings, though, the feeling of Chenle's hand curled around his coat sleeve aching like heartbreak.

*

"I don't know how to get the perfect shape." Chenle whines. 

Outside of the kitchen windows, the world is dark. The sun has long since set, and their aprons are tied, their faces are determined, and they're ready to work. Chenle is leaning over the baking paper, his hair tucked behind his ears as he stares angrily at the cookie mixture in the bowl.

"Glaring at it won't help you." Jeno says, not unkindly. He steps forward. "You're putting too much on the paper."

"I _know_ that." Chenle snaps, holding the spoon tightly.

Jeno has always had more patience than him. 

"Let me show you-"

"I can do it, just give me a second." Chenle says, louder. Sharp as a knife. But Jeno smiles and steps closer to him. He wraps his arms around Chenle's back.

"Look, just follow my movements." He murmurs. Jeno can’t control his heartbeat as he guides Chenle’s soft hands, first with the spoon, then onto the baking tray. “It’s not so hard once you get used to it.”

“I told you, hyung, I can do it.” Chenle grumbles. But there’s a smile on his face as he focuses and mirrors Jeno’s movements, shifting his body slightly against him.

Surely there was a way to do this that didn’t make him feel as if he were melting, Jeno thinks. He’s soft as the cookie dough on Chenle’s fingers.

“I think I’ve got it.” Chenle says, and Jeno steps away quickly. He leans on the counter to watch as Chenle measures the perfect amount of dough, this time.

“You did it.” Jeno grins proudly.

“I told you I could.”

“I didn’t doubt you for a second.” Jeno says. “You just have to stop underestimating yourself.”

When Chenle smiles at his compliment, it’s genuine. He pauses for a moment with his hands covered in dough, lit by the moon in his apron.

“What?” Jeno asks, still smiling with his eyes.

Chenle leans towards him, and Jeno doesn’t know what to do, can’t think of anything, as his heart rate increases rapidly. Then Chenle rubs cookie dough on his cheek with the wooden spoon.

“Yah!” Jeno laughs, lunging after him, and Chenle giggles. He darts away from Jeno easily. “I’m going to kill you.”

“You couldn’t.” Chenle says smugly. He dances around Jeno, avoiding his grasp. The light is back in his eyes, and Jeno hopes they always stay that way.

“I could.” Jeno finally catches him and pulls him into a hug, laughing when Chenle squirms in his grip. “You’re such a brat.”

“You love me.” Chenle grumbles.

“As if.” Jeno says, and kisses his forehead, causing Chenle to yelp and run away. Jeno takes the opportunity to taste a little of the cookie dough. “It’s good.”

“It’s not even cooked.” Chenle says, pointing the wooden spoon at him.

“It’s good, though.” Jeno says, and then quieter, with a sweet smile. “Because you made it.”


	3. blueberry muffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tea?" Jeno asks, trying not to notice how Chenle has lain his scarf across the sofa. It's difficult when the living room seems to be filled with him. Chenle is taking up all of his spaces.
> 
> "Please." Chenle throws himself onto the sofa and stretches like a cat. "And don't forget the muffin."
> 
> "I would never." Jeno laughs, and goes to the kitchen.

“Hey, boss.” A croaky voice says, crackling through the phone receiver, “I don’t think I can make it to work today.”

Jeno sits up on the sofa, running a sleepy hand through his hair. The television hums gently in the background as concern washes over Jeno. Hyuck’s voice seems weak.

“Are you sick?”

“Yeah, just a little though, I’ll be fine, Mark’s here-“ He coughs into the receiver, and Jeno grimaces at the sound. “I’m sorry it’s such late notice, but would you be able to cover for me today? I already tried Jisungie, but he’s busy.”

“That’s no problem.” Jeno says, “I’m free anyway.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” Donghyuck sighs. “I owe you one, boss.”

“Tell you what, buy me a caramel shortcake, and then we’re even.”

“Deal.” Hyuck laughs weakly.

“I’ll let you get to bed, okay?” Jeno pauses, worry blooming inside of him. “You can call me if you need anything. You know that, right?”

“Thanks, boss.” Even though he can’t see him, Jeno knows Hyuck is smiling in an embarassed sort of way.

“Rest well.” Jeno says, and hangs up.

Early afternoon sunlight streams through the curtains of the living room as Jeno stretches. He supposes he ought to get changed. His afternoon of movies and a late night run have been ruined, but he manages always to find the brightness in everything - and a Sunday afternoon in the bakery isn’t so bad, anyway.

He sighs and finishes his blueberry muffin, crumbs lingering around his mouth, before standing from the sofa. Jeno pulls on his coat and packs his bag, then heads out into the cold afternoon.

It isn’t long after leaving his apartments before he reaches the bakery. The Sunday streets are quite empty, though he _does_ pass the Christmas market on his way. It’s bustling with people and noise, Christmas music soft over the speakers and drowned by the conversations and laughter. It’s in the shape of a village, each stall a small, snowy house, and Jeno finds it endearing. His eyes linger on the couples holding hands and he secretly thinks that he’d love to take Chenle here.

Perhaps he could ask, as friends. It would be nice to spend Christmas Eve that way, before going home to see his family. Jeno is considering this when the bakery door opens, tinkling as he steps inside. He’s shrugging off his coat and pulling on his apron when he hears Chenle’s voice from the counter.

“Hyung!” He calls, causing a few customers to glance at them. Chenle rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed, while Jeno laughs. “I didn’t know you were coming in today.”

“I wasn’t supposed to.” Jeno says, holding his coat. He steps to the counter and boops Chenle’s nose, causing the younger man to scowl. “But something came up.”

“Is Hyuck hyung okay?”

“He’s sick.” Jeno frowns. “So I’m covering for him.”

“Oh.”

Chenle is sitting at the counter, and a stack of paper is resting on knees. He scribbles down another note, his eyebrows furrowed, and Jeno ruffles his hair.

“Don’t let your studying distract you from the customers.”

“Yes, boss.” Chenle says, giving him a cheeky smile. There’s still a hint of worry there, though. “Do you think hyung will be okay?”

“Oh, sure. Mark is looking after him.”

“Those two can be sweet when they want to be.” Chenle says, “Emphasis on when they want to be.”

Jeno laughs. He grows warm at the thought of his friends. He met Mark Tuan, Donghyuck’s housemate, last summer, when he took Hyuck to his interview. They’d been bickering at the doors of the bakery when Jeno had asked which one of them was Donghyuck, and that was how it had begun.

He supposes, over the years, Jeno has made a family for himself in this small bakery. There’s Jaemin, his longest friend - they’ve shared their food creations with each other since they were kids. There’s Renjun, Jaemin’s friend from University who slowly eased himself into Jeno’s life with a splash of paint. There’s Jisung, who grew up next door to the building and has been working here ever since the bakery was made a few years ago. There’s Donghyuck, working part time as he tries to earn money to buy his own bar with his friend Mark. And then, Jeno thinks fondly, then there’s Chenle, a culinary student who just wants to bake.

He loves them all.

Jeno reminisces as he makes coffee. He finds himself thinking of Donghyuck, more often than not, and hoping that he’s okay. When he turns back to serve a customer, Chenle is still studying.

“How’s it going?” Jeno asks.

“It’s not.” Chenle sighs, looking as if he’s going to slam his head on the desk.

“You've got this.” Jeno pats his back, and carries on working. But worries for his friends flutters inside of him, and he wishes he could fix them all.

The Sunday afternoon becomes slow, and Jeno finds himself gazing into the sunset when it comes. The sky is warm and pink, and he lets it wash over him.

“You’re not worrying, are you, hyung?” Chenle asks, behind the counter. He doesn’t look away from his studies, his tongue between his teeth as he concentrates.

“Of course not.” Jeno says. “I never worry.”

“You _are_. I can feel it.” Chenle glances behind him and narrows his eyes. “You better stop it.”

“I’m your boss.” Jeno laughs, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Sure I can.”

When Chenle’s eyes glitter under the sunrise, pink light touching his dark hair ever so slightly, Jeno thinks he’d do anything Chenle asked.

“And here I was, about to ask you if you wanted me to bring in my leftover blueberry muffins tomorrow...”

Chenle yelps, his papers falling from his lap.

“You made blueberry muffins?”

“I sure did.” Jeno smiles, “I was bored this afternoon.”

Chenle’s face is pleased as he picks up his papers.

“You better bring them with you tomorrow. Don’t be selfish, hyung.”

Jeno laughs, a little of his worry fading away.

“Fine.” He says, "Hey, Chenle. Close up for me, would you? Then there’s just a few ingredients to put away. Help me in the pantry when you're done.”

“Yes, boss.” Chenle salutes, placing his work carefully on the counter before hopping from the chair. Jeno takes one last glance at him before shuffling into the back room.

Cardboard boxes of ingredients are open and scattered around the room. Jeno rolls up his sleeves, looking around the dimly lit pantry. before kneeling down and beginning his work. The fridge hums, a low, constant sound, and Jeno has grown used to it after years in this room.

It isn't long before the pantry door clicks open and Chenle kneels down beside him.

"Why is this place always a mess?" He jokes, his dark hair falling over his eyes as he closes the lid of a box.

"You tell me." Jeno replies.

They work in a comfortable silence, the air between the two of them warm and sleepy as the fridge hums. Jeno glances at Chenle out of the corner of his eye, sometimes - his heart still flutters when he sees the other boy, even after years, and it makes him feel like a schoolboy with a crush. Jeno tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. 

"Ah, sorry hyung, the flour is open." Chenle says, staring down at an open bag of flour in his hands, "I must've left it lying around earlier."

"If it's just from this afternoon, it's fine." Jeno dismisses.

"Oh?" When Jeno glances at Chenle, there's a sly smile growing on his face. His eyes glint with mischief, like a cat's. "You want me to put it away? But I can think of better uses for it."

"Don't you dare-"

Chenle plunges his hand into the bag of flour and throws a handful at Jeno. It hits his apron, staining it a soft white, and Jeno laughs and jumps to his feet.

"You're wasting it." He says, but the smile in his eyes undermines his firm tone.

"What are you going to do about it, boss?" Chenle says, and throws another handful of flour at him. This time it hits his trousers, staining the crisp black with a fading white that will be a nightmare to wash out.

Jeno lunges after him, but misses, and Chenle giggles and throws flour at his face. Jeno wipes it from his eyes and manages to yank the bag from Chenle's grip. He's stronger than the younger boy, after all, and so it isn't long before he's holding the bag possessively to his chest. 

"You're no fun." Chenle pouts.

"Oh, I'm not?" Jeno asks, and then pours it over Chenle's head.

"Yah." Chenle is laughing as the flour stains his hair. He looks silly, white staining his dark eyes and forehead, his mouth open with joy. Jeno looks down at the floor that's covered in flour. 

"Look what you've done." Jeno is laughing, too.

" _Me?_ " Chenle pushes him away, still laughing. "Look what _you've_ done, boss. That wasn't very professional of you."

"The look on your face." Jeno says, his eyes pricking with tears of laughter. He ruffles Chenle's hair, and his palm comes away white. "Priceless."

"You always surprise me." Chenle says, his laugh softening into this lovely little smile, and Jeno pauses. Smiles back. Feels golden, like pastry rising in the oven.

"Come on, let's clean this mess up."

"Do we have to?" Chenle whines.

"May I remind you," Jeno says, "That you started this."

But even cleaning turns into a battle of mops, and soon enough the two of them are soaking wet and giggling again. They're leaning against the pantry door, trying to breathe after laughing so hard, when Jeno checks his watch. His wet hair drips onto its surface.

"It's getting late." He says, bumping their shoulders together, "Did you bring your bike today?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Will you be okay riding home in the dark?"

"You worry too much." Chenle says, "That's why you need me here, to stop you worrying.” 

Jeno thinks of the weight on his heart that had been eased by Chenle's presence, by his laughter, by the food fight and the disastrous attempt to clean it up and every lovely feeling in between. Just in one day. 

_You're right,_ he thinks. He doesn't say it, just pushes off the door and smiles.

"Come on, time to go home."

When they step out into the front of the bakery, though, they stop in their tracks in front of the counter. Through the glass windows the world has turned white. Snow is falling heavily, picturesque like an old painting, and Jeno watches in wonder as it touches treetops and roofs and stranger's woolly hats. It glows under the light of the streetlamps.

"It's snowing." Chenle breathes, and there's a wonder in his eyes that's so youthful and pure. "I've been so excited for it."

"Me too." Jeno says. He can't wait to step outside and feel snowflakes fall on his nose, his shoulders, the smell of crisp winter in the air. 

As Chenle watches the snow Jeno grabs their coats. He wraps Chenle's coat around his shoulders and then ties his scarf for him, his hands brushing the skin of Chenle's neck. It burns on the back of Jeno's fingers, and he swallows and turns back to the snow.

"I could've done that myself." Chenle says, but he hasn't looked away from the snow. 

"You can't ride your bike in this." Jeno says, "Want a ride home?"

Chenle finally turns to him, and perhaps it's just the low light in the bakery, but have his ears turned pink?

"You don't have to." He says quickly. "I can walk-"

"Don't be silly." Jeno smiles, "You can put your bike in my car."

Chenle pauses, and then gives him a slight nod. His smile is shy, and he starts to walk away, pulling his coat tighter around his shoulders as he steps out of the glass doors and into the snowy street. As always, Jeno follows him.

Jeno keeps his hood down when he steps outside. He tilts his head back and feels the freezing cold snow on his face, letting snowflakes melt against his face. They feel fresh on his skin - the first snow is new and exciting and beautiful, a step into winter, and Jeno savours the cold before loading Chenle's bike into his car.

They slide into the front seats together, and Jeno puts the heat on in the car. He wipes the windscreen and turns to Chenle.

"Christmas music?" He asks.

"Don't." Chenle warns, and Jeno laughs and ignores him. Christmas music blares through the speakers as he pulls out of the street.

Chenle has never been in his car before. It's dark as they drive, and they don't talk much, but at red lights Jeno glances over at him and smiles. Chenle leans his head against the window to watch the snow, and Jeno lets out a gentle breath of love and wonder before turning back to the road. 

"You're going to have to guide my way," Jeno says.

"Hey, hyung, can we go to yours?" Chenle asks. "It's just-"

A pause. The world is white and gorgeous.

"I've never been." Chenle finishes. "I want to see it. I don't really know that much about you."

"M-My apartment?" Jeno's cheeks darken, but he's glad the night hides it. "I don't mind."

"Actually, the real reason is because I want a blueberry muffin."

"Yeah," Jeno chuckles, "Yeah, I thought so."

So Jeno takes a left turn at the next traffic lights. They pull up outside a small apartment complex, and step inside through the cold. Jeno stamps his feet on the carpet before entering, and so Chenle does the same, and it's that small, domestic thing that puts a lump in his throat. Makes him feel like he's falling apart.

*

The place still smells faintly of warm muffins when they step inside. Chenle breathes it in happily, closing his eyes for a second, and Jeno laughs and hangs their coats on the coat rack. He looks at them together for a second and swallows, daydreams of a shared home crossing his mind, before turning back to Chenle.

"Come in, then." Jeno says, and Chenle laughs and bounces inside.

They step into the living room and Chenle takes in the tinsel hanging around the room, the tiny Christmas tree by the television, the small fire that Jeno starts to burn as soon as they step inside. He runs his hand over the back of the sofa, and looks outside to watch the snow again.

"It looks like you." Chenle says, "This place."

"Tea?" Jeno asks, trying not to notice how Chenle has lain his scarf across the sofa. It's difficult when the living room seems to be filled with him. Chenle is taking up all of his spaces.

"Please." Chenle throws himself onto the sofa and stretches like a cat. "And don't forget the muffin."

"I would never." Jeno laughs, and goes to the kitchen.

Over the sound of the boiling kettle he can hear Chenle singing to himself. He has a lovely voice, soft and delicate and sweet as sugar, and Jeno hears it only when Chenle... when he's happy. The realisation brings a giddy smile to Jeno's face and he catches it in his reflection in the kitchen mirror. He tries to smooth it down.

Jeno knows that nothing will ever happen between them. They're co-workers, they're _friends,_ and nothing should change that - like all people Jeno hides from what he wants, and what he wants he can't have, anyway. Still, with each passing day, his unspoken feelings suffocate him.

The kettle is finished. With a racing heart Jeno takes the tea and muffin into the living room and sits beside Chenle on the sofa.

"Here." Jeno smiles, and Chenle bites into the muffin immediately, leaving the warm tea on the dresser beside the sofa. 

He hums in delight, and a pride washes over Jeno. The reason he started baking was for this exact moment - the joy someone feels, for those few seconds, as they bite into something sweet that he created.

"It's so good." Chenle says, through mouthfuls of muffin. There's still flour in his hair, Jeno notices, even as he tries not to stare. 

"I'm glad."

"Thanks, boss." Chenle nudges him, and finishes the muffin with a few more bites. He takes a grateful sip of tea then sighs and leans back against the sofa with his eyes closed, warm and full. "I could get used to this."

"I spoil you too much.”

Chenle cracks open an eye.

"I'm glad I'm here." He says.

_I'm glad you're here too,_ Jeno thinks. He averts his eyes instead, focusing on the way his tea swirls in his mug. This is dangerous, Jeno thinks. The burning fire, the slope of Chenle's neck, the warmth and the domesticity. The snow falling outside, somehow more beautiful than last year, and the year before that. It makes him fall even harder in love with Chenle. 

"How's your project?" Jeno asks quietly.

"I know what my theme is now, at least." Chenle says, "I'm going to make cakes!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and they..."

Chenle talks, explaining the particulars of his project, and awed, Jeno listens. He's so proud of them. Years ago Chenle was still uncertain of his decision to study the culinary arts; he was frustrated by those more talented or hard working than him, and messy and disobedient in the kitchen. Now, though, he seems to have grown into himself.

There's a light in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"You're doing a great job, Chenle."

Chenle shrugs, but his smile is pleased and shy. Jeno wants to kiss it.

There's a comfortable silence, and in it, Jeno drinks his tea and watches the snow. He tries to memorise the moment. He pays attention to the way the snowflakes cling to his windows, the feeling of his socks against the carpet, and the way Chenle's thigh is pressed just slightly against his own.

Someday, somehow, Jeno had fallen for him. This wonder, this mischevious little fairy, this boy who deserved everything. And his love didn't fall like snow, which melts. Jeno fell and then he simply never stopped falling.

When Jeno finally stops spacing out, he glances at Chenle. The boy's head is tilted back against the sofa, and his lips are parted. His eyes are shut and Jeno's face softens when he realises Chenle has fallen asleep. His chest rises slowly, every breath small and shallow. The frown line on his forehead has eased, and Jeno wishes he could always look this peaceful.

"Cute." Jeno murmurs.

He stands to grab a blanket from his bedroom, then lays it gently over Chenle. He's careful not to wake him. His hands linger, though, on Chenle's shoulders. He leans down to kiss his hairline. Stays there and breathes in the bakery, and snow, and love in all of its forms.

Then reality shifts back into focus. Jeno shakes his head and stands quickly. He leaves Chenle to rest.

*

"Hey." Jeno murmurs quietly into the phone.

The snow hasn't eased up. Jeno watches it fall, leaning over the sink, his phone pressed hard against his ear. In the living room Chenle is still sleeping soundly.

“Jeno?” Jaemin asks, a joy in his voice. Jeno smiles as the snow falls. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I have to have a reason to talk to my favourite person?”

“Actually, that’s _chef_ to you.”

“Sorry, chef.” Jeno grins. Talking to Jaemin has already lifted some of the shadows from his heart.

There’s a warm silence. Jeno can hear water running in the background.

“I’m not disturbing you, am I?”

“No, I’m just washing up. I had takeout for dinner.”

“I thought you were a chef.”

“Yah!” Jaemin laughs, “We all need breaks.”

That’s true enough. Sometimes Jeno wishes he could sleep for a year. He’s always been hard working, but... it’s a lot, isn’t it? To work as hard as he does, and never complain about it.

“How are you, anyway?” Jaemin asks.

“Me?” Jeno pauses, “I’m-“

He wants to lie, he does. But Jaemin is his best friend - has been since he knew what a best friend was - and Jeno can be vulnerable with him.

“To be honest? I’m tired.” Jeno sighs, running his free hand over his face. “I’m tired of working and I’m trying really hard not to be. It’s just... I’m trying so hard but the bakery never gets any more popular. And Chenle, he-“

Jaemin hums, listening, and Jeno is so grateful for him. He hurts and is comforted at the same time.

“I love him, you know.” Jeno’s voice cracks. “I can’t help it.”

There’s a silence as Jaemin considers what he’s said. The words seem to hover in the kitchen, and Jeno doesn’t look at his reflection, afraid of what he’ll see there.

“You’re human.” Jaemin finally says, “You don’t have to live for other people. Sometimes you... sometimes you just have to let yourself be human.”

_Human._ Bittersweet and messy.

“If you’re tired, you can rest. And Jeno?” He can hear Jeno smile, “About Chenle... _It’s okay._ You’re allowed to love him.”

Is he? It feels so wrong. Like he isn’t allowed to, like he isn’t good enough to, like he should bury himself in what he calls _friendship._

“I know you. The more you keep it inside, the more it’s bothering you, right?”

Jeno nods.

“You just nodded, didn’t you?” Jaemin laughs, “This is a phone call.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jeno laughs, too, “But yeah I... you’re right. I wish I could-“

“Tell him?” Jaemin asks, “It’s easier than you think. Just let your heart speak for you.”

Sometimes, when Jeno bakes, he doesn’t know what he’ll make until it’s finished. Maybe Jaemin means something like that.

“But he doesn’t feel the same-“

“It doesnt matter. Wouldn’t you rather let go of the weight on your shoulders?”

_Yes._

Jeno sighs.

“I’ll think about it.” Is all he says. “Thank you, Jaeminnie.”

“Welcome. Look, I’d love to talk longer, but I promised Renjun I’d make him a lunchbox for tomorrow and I have to get started. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah.” Jeno hesitates. He wishes he could tell Jaemin how grateful he is. All that comes out is a simple, “Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. Let’s go out to eat soon, okay?”

“Of course. Bye.”

Jeno hangs up the phone and leans over the sink, his hair falling in front of him. He stays there for a moment, staring at the drain, the false smile he’d worn for no reason at all fading away at last. Still, Jaemin’s call had been comforting, like a warm hug.

“Hyungie?” A soft voice says, from the doorway.

Jeno spins around, his heart in his throat. Chenle is leaning against the doorway, rubbing his eyes. He looks delightfully sleepy with messy hair and a little smile, and Jeno’s heart softens at the sight of him. He smiles back fondly.

“I fell asleep, sorry.” Chenle murmurs. He’s lit by moonlight, and Jeno longs to go to him, but he stays by the sink.

“It’s really not a problem. I’ll take you home now, if you want.”

“Thanks.” Chenle is softened by sleep. He smiles with a little more affection, and his eyes don’t glint with that usual mischief. They seem so lovely, so warm, and Jeno should move but he’s stuck here, standing by the sink. “Sorry again. It’s been a long day.”

“I know. Don’t apologise, you can rest whenever you need to.”

“You know.” Chenle says, “You should tell that to yourself too, boss. You seem tired.”

Jeno pauses. He feels seen, as if Chenle has pierced past a wall of his, as if he can see inside of Jeno.

“You should say, hey, I deserve a break.” Chenle continues, “Just one, tell yourself: I did well today.”

It’s embarassing, when tears begin to sting behind Jeno’s eyes. He turns quickly to the window.

“It’s late, Chenle.” He says, with a false cheer. “We should get going.”

“Hyung-“

Jeno rubs his eyes quickly and strides across the kitchen. He brushes past Chenle in the doorway, and for a moment he thinks Chenle will let him leave. But then Chenle grabs his sleeve, just as he did outside of the bakery, and once again Jeno stops.

He can’t breathe when Chenle wraps his arms around his back from behind and hugs him tightly.

“It’s okay.” He says warmly, against the back of Jeno’s shoulders. “You did a good job today, hyung.” 

Jeno’s heart breaks. He melts into Chenle, his friend, the love of his life, and some of the pain eases.

“Chenle.” Jeno smiles an honest, watery smile, where Chenle can’t see it. “Thanks.”

Chenle squeezes him tighter.

“It’ll be okay.” He says. “That’s what you always say to me, right?”

It is. Funny, that Jeno finds it so hard to believe it himself.

“And if there’s something I’ve learned.” Chenle said “It’s that the boss is always right.”

“I taught you well.” Jeno laughs. He steps away and rubs his face, turning to Chenle with a bright smile. Chenle returns it and the mischievous glint returns to his eyes. 

“Before I go,” Chenle says, “Are there any more of those muffins left?”

“Shut up and get your coat on.” Jeno laughs.


	4. homemade bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There’s a, uh, there’s a Christmas market downtown.” Jeno interrupts loudly. He’s staring pointedly at the glass windows. “I wanted to check it out, and I wondered if you... if you’d want to come with me.”

The smell of homemade bread takes Jeno back to his hometown.

In those days, he'd rub his shoes on the carpet in the hallway and hang up his coat on the coat rack. He'd breathe in that warm, full smell of bread, of home, and a smile would grow on his face. _I'm home,_ he'd call, in a bright young voice. _Welcome home,_ his mother would call back, _have you eaten?_

When he walked into the kitchen, the radio would be playing, the late afternoon sun would be streaming through the kitchen blinds, and his mother would be dancing around the kitchen. She'd turn to him with a smile so bright it would warm him, just like the rising bread as it baked.

She always wanted to be a baker, and Jeno told her she could be. It was too bad her health had deteriorated over the years, because he knew she dreamt of her very own bakery, on the street she grew up on. If money and her health had allowed it, Jeno thought she could've been highly successful, or at least... happy. But she had passed away without ever fulfilling her dreams, and her baking had stayed limited to their small kitchen. Cupcakes, cookies, pies and pastries... but, Jeno knew, her favourite thing to bake was always bread.

Once she was gone, Jeno pursued her dream of baking. It had slowly become his own. It was impossible to watch her bake without growing to love it himself. It was a piece of art, as well as a science, and Jeno had learned it the only way he could - through practice. In the beginning he wasn't very good at all, and even after years he can see where he's lacking. Plus, his bakery is hardly popular, with their monthly profits only _just_ managing to keep them afloat. But he keeps going, for her. Jeno hopes she'd be proud of him.

Perhaps this is what makes Jeno feel so sentimental as he steps into the bakery and smells fresh bread.

Homemade, warm, filling. He breathes it in when he steps inside, and it's a bittersweet feeling. Memories flicker in the bakery. He wishes he could've shown his mother the bakery. He wishes she was there with him.

Grief is funny, like that. You can go months without it hurting, and then suddenly, you're reminded. And you _remember_. The pain is heavy, but it isn't bitter. It's warm with good memories and Jeno lets it pass over him as he walks inside of the bakery and shrugs off his coat.

"Morning, boss." Jisung greets, with his sweet smile. Jeno ruffles his hair.

"Good morning, Jisungie." He smiles, "Is Chenle baking the bread?"

"He insisted." Jisung says, "So I'm on customer duty."

"I'll help him." Jeno looks at Jisung, who, young as he is, is the best worker Jeno has ever had. He's diligent, kind, and wonderful to be around. He's someone Jeno will always be proud of. "Are you hungry?”

"Huh?"

"I baked muffins, the other day." Jeno hands him a small bag, "Here."

"Yah!" Jisung grins and immediately bites into one of the muffins. "You're a star, hyung." He says, through a huge mouthful.

"Enjoy." Jeno laughs, and leaves Jisung at the counter, following the smell of my the bread to the back room.

The kitchen is warm and musky with the smell of baking bread. One is already rising, while Chenle is standing at the counter with his sleeves rolled up kneading bread dough. He’s using his hands, trying hard to roll it out, and Jeno leans in the doorway and smiles. Chenle’s face is serious as he concentrates - he didn’t even notice Jeno enter. He’s so focused that Jeno can watch him for a moment, unnoticed.

Jeno once told Chenle that baking with your hands is always more meaningful than using electric mixers and whisk. It seems Chenle took his advice - even though there’s a flush climbing up his throat with the effort, Chenle is using his hands, his arms stained up to the elbows with flour.

It does something to his heart, watching Chenle like this. Once he watched his mother bake bread and was filled with awe, with admiration. This is a different sort of feeling - pride, and this dull sort of ache, this pressure on his chest that feels tight and warm. Jeno watches Chenle doing something so simple and thinks _I love you,_ just on instinct.

“Are you just going to stand there and watch me, or are you going to help?” Chenle asks, turning his head to raise an eyebrow at Jeno.

It’s a moment before the words sink in. Jeno turns pink and steps into the kitchen. He washes his hands and then goes to stand beside Chenle.

“Good job.” Jeno says, grabbing his own pile of dough from a bowl. “Watch me, I’ll show you an easier movement. You’re going to pull a muscle if you keep doing it like that.”

Jeno demonstrates with his hands, and Chenle copies. It’s surprisingly intimate to bake with someone. There’s flour on their hands, and their shoulders brush every now and then.

“Like this?”

“Yes, that’s perfect.” Jeno murmurs. They knead the dough together in a pleasant silence, broken only by the radio Chenle was playing before he arrived.

Jeno hums along.

“Baking bread reminds me of my Mom.” He says, quietly.

Chenle glances at him out of the corner of his eye. Jeno is aware he doesn’t really talk much about himself - that sort of vulnerability can be tiring, and Jeno prefers the easier, brighter friendships that come from hiding his true thoughts. Still, the kitchen is warm and peaceful, and Jeno trusts Chenle.

“She, um, she used to bake, once a week. Mostly it was bread. She really loved baking bread.” Jeno says, smiling down at the thick dough under his hands. “And I’d come home from school and I’d smell it and it’d be the most wonderful feeling. I just didn’t know that at the time. I didn’t know that-“

Jeno swallows.

“I guess I just took it for granted that she’d always be there, in that little kitchen, baking bread.” Jeno shrugs. “And then she wasn’t. But sometimes when I smell it I feel like she’s still there, waiting for me to come home.”

There’s a silence, punctuated by the hum of the radio. Then Chenle’s hand, covered in flour, comes to rest on top of his on the dough.

“I think she’d love this place.” Chenle says.

Jeno turns to Chenle with a smile.

“Yeah,” He says warmly, “Yeah, I think so too.”

Chenle returns his smile. It’s small and sweet in its sincerity, and Jeno lets out a quiet breath and looks away, down at their hands on the dough. Feels warm with love. And then Chenle’s thumb rubs over the back of his hand and he feels like melting.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Chenle asks. “Lately you seem...”

Tired. Rundown. Jeno misses his mother, craves for home, and struggles with his emotions, with these feelings for Chenle that just keep bothering him. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t happy. Truthfully, despite everything, he wouldn’t want a different life. Not for the world.

“I’m just...” Jeno pauses. He tries to find the words. “I’m tired.”

Chenle gives him a crooked smile.

“I get that.” He says, “But you know you can lean on me, right hyung?”

Jeno’s heart warms. He ruffles Chenle’s hair, covering it in flour.

“You’re a good kid.” He says.

“Yah.” Chenle laughs, shaking his head and trying to get the flour out of his hair.

They continue to work. After a lot of kneading, Jeno stretches his arms and yawns.

“I think the dough should be ready for the oven, now.”

“Do you want to do the honours, boss?”

Jeno grins and picks up the tray of kneaded dough. He pulls on the oven gloves and kneels down, opening the oven before putting one of the trays inside. There’s enough room for the other tray, and so he picks it up and kneels down again.

This time, though, Jeno feels Chenle’s eyes on him. He looks up, and when he sees Chenle leaning on the counter smiling at him, his heart flutters. He looks so wonderful, so beautiful, with that fond smile on his face. His cheeks are bright with the effort of kneading, and his eyes shine, and Jeno swallows and turns away.

Yet the moment has distracted Jeno. He stumbles when he leans forward, and the tray clatters but he manages to place it successfully inside. In the process, though, his arm touches the side of the oven. Jeno hisses and yanks it backwards.

“Are you okay?” Chenle asks, as Jeno closes the oven door. The skin on his lower arm is rapidly turning pink.

“It’s fine.” Jeno says, but it does hurt. He tries not to wince when Chenle takes his arm in his cold hand.

“It looks painful.” Chenle says, frowning. “Wait there, I’ll get the first aid kit.”

He disappears, and Jeno sighs and quickly goes to run his arm under cold water. His feelings for Chenle have been nothing but trouble, ever since he first saw him. It’s unprofessional and embarrassing, and yet... and yet even with his arm stinging with pain, he wouldn’t change any memory with Chenle. Not for anything.

“Okay.” Chenle announces, “I’ve got the first aid kit. C’mere.”

“It’s really fine-“

Jeno turns his head, and Chenle’s eyes are narrowed. He’s giving Jeno this stern look that’s honestly quite intimidating. Jeno succumbs to him easily and turns off the tap.

“Sit down.” Chenle says. Jeno does, and Chenle pulls up a seat opposite him. “Arm.“

“This really isn’t-“

Ignoring him, Chenle takes his injured arm in his hands and applies an ice pack to it. Jeno winces just slightly, though his arm is growing numb now from the cold. Then after a few minutes Chenle wraps a thin bandage around his arm and pats it gently.

“There.” Chenle smiles, “Good as new.”

And what is Jeno to do, when he’s faced with such sweetness, such lovely eyes? Chenle notices his stare and looks back at him, his eyes widening slightly. Jeno wonders what he must look like, with his loosely bandaged arm and his messy hair and his love for Chenle probably visible in his eyes.

Enamoured, Jeno lifts his uninjured arm and traces Chenle’s cheek with his hand. His skin is soft under Jeno’s fingers, not quite smooth.

“Hyung?” Chenle murmurs. His eyes flicker to Jeno’s mouth. And Jeno might be imagining it, but has his head tilted just slightly?

Jeno wants to kiss him. He almost leans forward, but instead, he places his trembling hand back on his lap and looks down at their knees, instead.

“Thanks.” Jeno mutters. He pauses for a second, a confession on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he stands quickly from his chair with a clatter. Chenle stays in his seat, looking up him.

“Careful.” Chenle says, “You’re injured.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“I just care about you, hyungie.” He says, almost shyly, and usually it would be sweet but the sincerity of it makes Jeno hurt. He wants everything to be different. He wants-

“Come on.” Jeno says, with a false brightness, “We can’t just sit around here all day.”

“But hyung, I-.”

“Come _on.”_ Jeno smiles and pulls Chenle to his feet. He knows one of these days, he won’t be able to hold it in anymore. But for now, he can pretend for a little longer. “We’ve got work to do.”

*

That day, Jeno does what he does best: he works.

It’s surprisingly easy to forget everything that’s bothering him when he’s baking or chatting to customers. He can laugh with Jisung, eyes crinkled and head back. He can send Chenle a wink and throw him a spoon, which he catches with grace. He can be who he _knows_ he is, in these moments: Lee Jeno. There’s nothing but the truth of him, brightness and warmth.

Sometimes the sadness sinks in. Sometimes Jeno misses his mother and thinks he sees her walk by the shop window. Sometimes he looks at Chenle making a coffee and loves him so much he worries it might kill him. But he can brush over it. Really, he can.

Just like that, the day passes. Before Jeno can even blink the bakery is closing and Jisung is shuffling out of the door with a wave, half asleep already. Before long there’s a silence in the bakery as Chenle pulls on his coat and runs a hand through his hair, and Jeno tries not to watch him.

“Coming, hyung?” Chenle asks. Jeno meets his eyes and smiles. It’s snowing again, and Chenle’s cute hat folds over his ears. His smile is cute and pretty, his palms tapping a song on the counter that Jeno is standing behind.

_I can’t live like this anymore,_ he thinks. How many more years could he swallow his feelings? And why should he suffer like this, why should it hurt?

_I’ll do it,_ Jeno thinks. Jaemin’s kind words and Chenle’s warmth guide him forward. Chenle had said to him, _you know you can lean on me, right hyung?_ And that’s the truth of it. Jeno doubts anything could stop them from being friends, even an unrequited love.

“Are you free on Sunday?” Jeno asks.

Chenle blinks.

“Yeah, I should be.” He says, “I mean I still have my project, but-“

“There’s a, uh, there’s a Christmas market downtown.” Jeno interrupts loudly. He’s staring pointedly at the glass windows. “I wanted to check it out, and I wondered if you... if you’d want to come with me.”

Chenle gives him a surprise smile.

“Really?”

“You don’t have to.” Jeno says quickly, his heart racing. Surely Chenle must hear it over the sound of the snow on the windows. “If you’re busy. I wouldn’t want to distract you from...”

When Jeno glances at him Chenle is grinning, his cheeks pink. Jeno’s voice trails off.

“I’d love to, hyung.” He says warmly.

“Oh.” Jeno pauses. “That’s- Right. Good.”

For a moment there’s silence. Then Jeno reaches forward and unties Chenle’s scarf. He ties it again carefully.

“You did it wrong.” Jeno says, his fingers brushing Chenle’s neck.

Chenle gives him a mysterious smile.

“I know.” He says, and Jeno blinks. “I just wanted to give you an excuse to take care of me.”

“Ah.” Jeno’s hands settle on top of Chenle’s scarf. He wishes he could feel Chenle’s heartbeat, but there are too many layers. He wishes he could read Chenle’s mind, but his eyes are as clear as snow, unreadable. “You just have to ask, Chenle.”

*

“This is great.” Chenle says, over the Christmas music.

Jeno agrees. Even though it’s snowing, cold on the tops of their noses and fingers, Jeno feels warm with a hot chocolate between his hands and his hat pulled firmly over his head. The market is bustling with people, and yet it’s surprisingly intimate at night. The colorful Christmas lights are warm and festive, the market stalls smell of hot food and candy, and the couples holding hands add a romance to the moment that makes Jeno feel warm with anticipation.

And Chenle... Chenle is stunning under the moonlight and the Christmas lights and his face glows with excitement. He peers at every stall, walking around with this wide eyed look on his face that’s sweet and youthful. Jeno spends most of the time watching him.

“It is.” Jeno agrees. He takes a sip of hot chocolate and lets it warm him. The snow is thick, rising up their boots, but it adds to the beautiful feeling of winter. “Where would you like to go next?”

“Buy me candy.” Chenle grins, and Jeno raises an eyebrow. “Oh c’mon, boss. It’s Christmas.”

“It’d be much healthier and less expensive if I baked for you-“

“Hyung.” Chenle whines, “I know you want to.”

“I don’t.”

“You _do.”_

And of course he does. Jeno has missed the feeling of being young and excited. The sugary taste of sweets in his mouth would be fun, for sure. So he laughs and pulls Chenle by his arm to a nearby candy apple stall.

“Fine.” He says, and Chenle giggles and presses against his side.

The woman at the stall gives them a smile and then her eyes turn to the top of the stall.

“Mistletoe.” She says, her eyes twinkling. A feeling of dread passes over Jeno when he looks up and sees the mistletoe hanging above them.

“Oh, that’s sneaky.” Chenle laughs. “Do we get free candy if we kiss?”

“Of course you don’t.” The woman laughs, and Chenle laughs too. “It’s just good fun.”

“Sure.” Chenle agrees. He winks at Jeno. “How about you give us a free apple for every kiss?”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“You’re cruel.” Chenle says, but it’s good natured. He’s always charmed people with his quick wit and sweet eyes, and this woman isn’t any different. If Jeno wasn’t so distracted by the idea of kissing Chenle under the mistletoe, he would note the fondness that’s already blooming in her eyes.

“Well, I guess one won’t hurt.” Chenle says, and he leans forward and presses a warm kiss to Jeno’s cheek. Jeno turns pink, and the woman laughs in delight. “There you go!”

“Oh, thank you! You know, nobody’s actually kissed for me so far.” She says. The woman turns around and returns with two candy apples. "Here you go. For making my night brighter.”

They walk away from the stall with sugar sticking to their tongues as Chenle cackles. Jeno feels like a kid, with candy and hot chocolate and this wonderful little Christmas market. His heart swells.

“Are you having fun?” Chenle asks, all of a sudden. “You’re quiet.”

Jeno smiles, genuine. He bumps their shoulders together. Even his nerves about confessing to Chenle later aren’t big enough to ruin the joy he feels.

“Of course I am.” He says, and means it.

At the end of the market they find a tiny Santa’s grotto. Jeno insists they get pictures inside, and so a reluctant Chenle joins him for cute pictures under the Christmas tree. Chenle gives him another silly kiss on the cheek then, and Jeno manages to capture it in a picture.

"Stop doing that." Jeno says, flushed pink.

"I can't help it." Chenle says, and tweaks his nose.

They turn back to the market and wander the other way, finally having seen all of the stalls. It's lovely to see Chenle not working, he thinks. There's a youth and cheer to him here that sometimes isn't present when Chenle is working at the bakery or studying. Jeno wants to see all sides of Chenle. When he's happy, or sad, or angry, or tired, he wants to be right by Chenle's side.

Chenle takes his arm and moves closer to his side, resting his head on Jeno's arm as they walk. They must look pretty, pressed together under the snow, lit by the Christmas lights. They must look... like a couple.

“Thank you, for asking me here.” Chenle says. “It’s been so fun. Honestly, I needed it.”

“Yeah.” Jeno says, “Me too.”

Chenle looks at him, tilting his head upwards from where he’s clinging to Jeno’s arm, and Jeno smiles.

“You’re the best, hyung.” He says, and Jeno isn’t sure Chenle will think that later, but for now he lets the compliment warm him from the inside out.

When they reach the end of the market, Chenle begins to grumble.

“I don’t want to go.”

“Tough.” Jeno laughs. “It’s getting late.”

“Oh come on. One more time?”

“Don’t give me that face.” Jeno says.

“You can’t say no to me.”

“No.” Jeno teases, and Chenle scowls at him. “Come on, Chenle. I’ll take you home.”

“My bike is still at the bakery, hyung.”

Jeno looks pointedly at the snow around them.

“Enjoy your ride home then.” He says, his lips twitching, and Chenle shoves him.

Before long they’re tucked into the darkness of Jeno’s car. It’s cold, and so Jeno runs the heating for a few minutes before starting the car. Chenle is humming, leaning his head on the cool window.

“Why are you so happy?” Jeno asks, smiling as he pulls out onto the road.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Chenle asks. “I’m happy because I had a good night with you, hyung.”

All night Jeno has almost forgotten reality. He was so caught in the sweet smells of the market and Chenle’s eyes and the snow: he was lost in the beauty of love and winter. Now, though, as he drives away from the Christmas music of the market, his heart begins to pound. His palms around the steering wheel are sweaty. Nerves build as he drives through the darkness towards Chenle’s house, and Jeno wants to run away. He doesn’t _want_ for this to end. He wants to stay in the moment forever.

“Are you okay, boss?” Chenle asks. He puts a hand on Jeno’s knee that’s bouncing up and down, and it does nothing to ease Jeno’s nerves.

“Fine.” Jeno says, and gives Chenle a smile. “Thanks, Chenle.”

“What for?”

“You know.” Jeno says, “Being you.”

Chenle ears turn pink and he pulls his hand away. He’s never taken compliments well, and it fills Jeno with fondness.

“It’s not like I can be anyone else.” He grumbles.

“Good.” Jeno chuckles.

Chenle doesn’t live far from the bakery, which is why he cycles. It’s not long before they pull up outside his house. He can see the faint shadow of a cat in the window, and smiles to himself - they aren’t allowed pets in student housing, but Chenle and his housemates just hide the cat from the landlord.

He watches the house as Chenle unlocks his seatbelt.

“Thanks for taking me home, hyungie.” Chenle says. “I’ll see you next week.”

“Let me see you to the door.” Jeno says. He knows he’s turned pale with nerves, but he fights it, because he knows it’s for the best. He has to confess, or it’ll destroy him. It already hurts to keep so much unspoken. 

“I’m not a kid.” Chenle pouts.

“I know. I just want to.”

“Do what you want.” Chenle shrugs, but his smile is pleased as he ducks out of the car.

Jeno leaves, too, entering the cold night once again. They take the bike from the bake of the car and then crunch through the snow slowly together, both of them reluctant for the night to end. When they reach Chenle’s porch, Chenle turns to Jeno.

“Thanks.” He says, and smiles, one hand on the doorknob. “I had a great time.”

Jeno swallows. He can feel snowflakes in his hair, and one lands on the end of Chenle’s nose.

“Me too, I-“ Jeno pauses. He has to do it. Otherwise... otherwise it will continue to hurt. Otherwise Jeno will collapse under the weight of the words he hasn’t said. “Actually, Chenle there was something-“

Chenle looks at him, listening, and Jeno’s heart breaks when he realised this might be the last comfortable moment between them before the truth slips out of him.

“I asked you to come with me because I wanted to-“ Jeno struggles with his words. His heart breaks when Chenle rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Don’t. Don’t do that.“

“What is it, hyung?” Chenle asks, gently. “You can tell me anything.”

“I-“ Jeno wants so badly to say it, and to not say it.

“It’s okay.” Chenle says, and squeezes his shoulder.

“I- Shit. You know, the first time I saw you, I thought, _he’s special._ You came into my bakery with this huge smile on your face and I... God, sorry, I don’t know how to say this.” Jeno rubs his face. His hands are shaking, so he tucks them into his pockets. “You know, when you came to work for me I kept thinking there must be something you were hiding, some kind of flaw hidden somewhere. But there wasn’t. You’re amazing, you know.”

Chenle gives him a pleased smile, and Jeno takes in a shaky breath. He knows Chenle still hasn’t understood, and he selfishly wants to savour that. Jeno places one of his trembling hands on Chenle’s neck and closes his eyes, not wanting to see the look on Chenle’s face.

“The truth is, I know I’m your boss. I know that we’ve become such good friends and I shouldn’t ruin it, but I just can’t do this anymore.” Jeno feels snowflakes, falling onto him, freezing the back of his neck and slipping down his coat. The only warmth is Jeno’s palm against Chenle’s neck. He savours it.

“I don’t understand.” Chenle says, in a very small voice.

“I love you, Chenle.” Jeno says. "I'm- I'm _in_ love with you.”

Oh, it’s a _relief_. He feels as if a weight has been lifted, as if the dark cloud in his chest has cleared. There shouldn’t be happiness in this moment, but there is a little, Jeno thinks. The joy is just in saying it.

The silence is tense, though, and Jeno doesn’t open his eyes. Chenle’s hand falls from his shoulder, like snowflakes slipping from his coat. It hurts, and it hurts even more when Jeno opens his eyes and Chenle’s eyes are wide, and scared.

Jeno has seen this look before. Years ago, when he was trying to set up the bakery, he really liked this little flower shop. He would visit it every week, and eventually he got to know a boy who worked there. He told Jeno stories of the shop’s history, of the family business, and Jeno would listen to him for hours with this stupid smile on his face.

When Jeno had finally built the courage to confess, the flower boy had stepped away, his lips parted in surprise.

_What,_ he’d asked. And that was that. The boy avoided Jeno, after that.

“Hyung, I-“ Chenle swallows. Jeno has never seen him nervous, not really, but now his eyes are flickering around the porch and looking for an escape. It hurts. “I’m sorry, I don’t-“

Jeno can feel his heart splinter. He’d known this would happen, and yet he’d forgotten how much heartbreak stung. It feels like a physical injury, like a knife plunged into his chest. He steps away from Chenle before Chenle can step away from him.

“I know.” Jeno smiles gently. “It’s fine, Chenle. I’m sorry.”

“I just-“ Chenle’s hand reaches out and then drops quickly again. He struggles for words, and Jeno steps backwards again.

“I just had to tell you. I’m sorry.” Jeno lets the snow cover him. Let’s the cold sting his cheeks. He smiles as his heart breaks. “I can’t pretend anymore.”

Finally, Chenle speaks.

“You never had to.” He says quietly, his throat trembling.

“Didn’t I?” Jeno asks. When Chenle doesn’t reply, he turns away. “Goodnight, Chenle.”

“Wait.”

Jeno turns his head, trying not to let hope rise within him. Chenle looks at him, flushed and wide eyed on the porch, for too long. He’s beautiful under the moonlight, so lovely covered in snow that it hurts.

“Nevermind.” Chenle says, and opens his front door. He steps quickly inside and slams it behind him.

Jeno would love to go back to the ease and warmth of the Christmas market, but he can’t. And anyway, as he walks back to his car, he feels at ease for the first time in years. It was the right decision. It aches, but it was the right decision.

But God, how many heartbreaks would it take before he could get a little sweetness in return?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I started writing this thinking “haha cute dreamies baking” -.- now I am: hurting !!!!!!


	5. strawberry shortcake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno gives Chenle a crooked smile.
> 
> "Okay. What's the cake trying to tell me?" He asks.
> 
> "Ah." Chenle sits down on the sofa, and crosses his legs. He fits in Jeno's living room, as if he's meant to be there. "So now you're listening."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being a long chapter, but it’s the last one, so it’s fine ;) thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoy this chapter, and happy holidays !!!!!

If Jeno would just admit it to himself, he could pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Chenle.

It wasn't like the movies. The world didn't slow down, it didn't freeze until there was nothing in the world but each other. There wasn't a second where he suddenly thought, _this is it, this is the moment I fell._ But later, if he wanted to, Jeno could pinpoint one day as being a turning point. It was that Christmas Eve night one year ago, with the twinkling Christmas lights in the bakery, and his best friends by his side. That was the moment Jeno knew his feelings for Chenle were more than a sweet little crush on his coworker.

That week before Christmas had been a long one. Jeno was no stranger to long shifts - running a bakery wasn't an easy task, after all - but that week before Christmas he remembers as being particularly hard. The air around him had been tense, and Hyuck, Jisung and Chenle had to suffer through the working hours with a boss who, while not visibly stressed, was quieter and smiled less. He knew it had an impact on them, knew it made the workplace less bearable, but he was too exhausted to cheer himself up.

That Christmas Eve, Jeno had snapped at Chenle in the doorway to the kitchen for dropping a carton of eggs. He'd regretted the tone of his voice immediately, especially when Chenle's lovely, sparkling eyes had grown wide with surprise. Chenle wasn't one to bow down in the face of authority - his cheeks had taken on an angry flush, and he'd spoken to Jeno in monotone for the rest of the day.

The guilt had been enormous. Jeno wanted to reach out to him, to give him a hug, to apologise, _anything._ He'd watched Chenle laugh with Hyuck at the counter and had felt like the worst boss in the world. But Chenle was

Then the evening came.

Everyone was closing up when Hyuck gave him this tiny smile and said _go and do inventory, boss, we'll close up from here._ Jeno had shrugged and let Hyuck push him into the backroom, grateful for the quiet darkness of the pantry. He'd sorted through the day's inventory in silence for quite a while until there was a timid knock at the door.

"Home time." Chenle had said, and despite the tense atmosphere of the day, now there was this familiar smile on his face. Once again his eyes were sparkling with mischief. "Come on, boss."

Jeno brushed off his apron and stood where he was kneeling over a cardboard box.

"Chenle," He'd started, "About earlier-"

"Don't worry about it." Chenle had dismissed, "Just hurry up."

When Jeno had stepped out into the bakery, his heart had melted. The lights were off, so the Christmas lights seemed lovelier than usual. Chenle's face was shining under the glow. The room smelled like hot cocoa, like Christmas and home, and when Jeno had stepped further into the main bakery he'd found all of his friends, sitting at the tables. Hyuck, Mark and Jisung, laughing about something. Renjun and Jaemin murmuring in the dark over two steaming mugs. And Chenle, grinning proudly in the middle of the bakery.

"What..." Jeno swallowed, "What is this?"

Chenle came up to him and linked their arms together, leading him to Renjun and Jaemin. He pressed a mug of hot cocoa into Jeno's hands and gave him a warm smile.

"Merry Christmas, hyung." He'd said, looking up at Jeno under the Christmas lights. There was tinsel in his hair, around his shoulders, and Jeno had just realised it. "I know you've been stressed lately, so we decided to..."

" _You_ decided to." Jaemin piped up, cream around his mouth. Chenle's cheeks turned slightly pink, or maybe it was just the dim red of the Christmas lights.

"Whatever. You just seemed stressed, and it's Christmas time, so." Chenle rubs the back of his neck. "We thought- Well, _I_ thought, we could have a party."

And this is the moment, Jeno knows, somewhere deep down in his heart, that there would be no turning back. He saw the whole world sparkling in this clever, thoughtful, gorgeous man's eyes, and his heart, which was usually so guarded, had stumbled over itself. Jeno had always thought Chenle pretty, and had always been secretly fonder of him than his other friends. But this was... this was something else.

"If you're tired, you can just go home, it's okay."

"No." Jeno had said, "No, this is... thanks."

Jeno had ruffled Chenle's hair, feeling grateful. That week of stress and exhaustion had simply faded away into a smile.

"Good, because there's hot cocoa, or mulled wine, if you want something stronger-" Chenle rambles, "And there's a cheesecake-"

"But Chenle made it," Hyuck giggles, "So be careful."

Jeno watches this scene play out, between all of his friends, as they laugh and yell, and his heart warms. He thinks of Chenle making a cheesecake, Chenle inviting all of his friends to the bakery, _Chenle..._ and everything seems to click into place.

Renjun is watching him. When Jeno meets his eyes, he winks.

"Whipped." He mouths. Jeno scowls and flicks him on the forehead, but perhaps it was true even then. Chenle had always been his favourite, after all.

*

Perhaps, Jeno thinks, wearily exiting his car one early winter morning after his confession, it would always be this way. He had loved, and loved, and loved, and for what? His only solace is that Chenle doesn't have a shift today. Hopefully he'll have peace, for a while.

"Jeno!"

Jeno looks up. Through the snow and fading streetlamps he sees the figure waving at him from in front of the bakery with a huge smile. _Mark,_ Jeno thinks, and something inside of him lights up. Whenever Jeno talks to Mark, it leaves him feeling happier than before. He certainly needs that happiness right now.

"Hey, hyung." Jeno says, and his warm smile feels real. Mark is shivering in the doorway, his hat almost pulled over his eyes. "Is something wrong? It's early."

"Nah, don't worry. I was just on my way to work and Hyuck rang and asked me to pick up his scarf." Mark rolls his eyes, but he's never serious, Jeno knows. He loves Hyuck as if he's the sun. "Typical."

"How's work?" Jeno asks, putting the key in the lock. "Is Jaeminnie working you too hard?"

"Busy." Mark says, and Jeno laughs, "I know I've said it a million times before, but thank you so much for getting me that place at Jaemin's restaurant."

"Stop mentioning it." Jeno chuckles, opening the door and holding it open for Mark, "Anything for a friend."

Mark's grin is sweet and he ducks inside of the bakery.

"Do you want a cup of coffee?" Jeno asks, as Mark disappears into the back of the bakery to find Donghyuck's scarf. His phone begins to buzz in his pocket, but he ignores it, his heart sinking.

"I shouldn't," Mark calls back, "I'll be late."

"Just one." Jeno calls back, already making him one anyway. By the time Mark resurfaces with Hyuck's scarf in his hands, Jeno has already made two mugs of coffee.

"You're a bad influence." Mark laughs, and Jeno grins as they sit together at a table.

They drink in a comfortable silence, and some of the pain that had been building in Jeno fades when he's in the company of a good friends. The lovely, quiet peace lasts until the sun rises and Mark speaks again.

"How's work doing for you, by the way?"

"Business as usual." Jeno says.

"Good." Mark smiles, "You know... Hyuck really loves working here. I think it's really given him a lot of happiness so, you know. Thanks."

Jeno beams.

"He's great."

" _You're_ great." Mark says, and they're both embarassed, so they drink their coffees with warm flushes until Mark stretches and stands with Donghyuck's scarf in his grip.

"My boss is going to kill me." Mark whines, glancing at his watch.

"Jaemin would never." Jeno laughs, standing too. "Have a good day."

"It was good to see you." Mark says, giving Jeno a one armed hug.

"Yeah. I'll see you at our Christmas party?"

"'Of course." Mark gives a sheepish grin, and turns to the door. Jeno is sad to see him go, sad to lose the happiness that had been distracting him from the sharp pain in his chest. "See you."

"See you later, hyung."

The door twinkles closed, Mark's woolly hat and bright smile disappearing into the sunrise. Jeno sighs and sits back in his chair, running a hand over his face. He thinks of mornings with Chenle. He wonders if he'll ever have them back, after what he's said, and how he's been rejected.

Jeno's phone buzzes. He sighs and turns it over from where it was lying face down on the table. It vibrates in his hand, Chenle's name flashing brightly on the screen. He lets it go to voicemail.

_"Hi, hyung. It's Chenle. Will you call me back?"_ There's rustling in the background, and Jeno imagines Chenle's cat leaping into his lap and almost smiles. _"I really need to talk to you. Thanks."_

Jeno sighs and lays his head down on the table, burying his face in his arms. Because honestly, what else was there left to say? He had to be professional - and he would be, in time. He wasn't going to lose Chenle, one of his closest friends in the world. But honestly, when Chenle had closed the door in his face after his confession, it had hurt more than he'd thought possible.

Because Chenle was a lot of things, but he wasn't cruel. That door staring back at him, the _nevermind_ that Chenle had so easily muttered, had caused a wound in Jeno's chest that will take a while to heal. Jeno's only human, after all. He's been hurting for so long, and now that it's exposed, he's unsure how long it will take for the wound to become a scar.

*

When the kitchen door clicks open, Jeno is making Christmas pudding.

He loves the process - in fact, the festive season has always been one of his favourites simply because of the fruity smell of Christmas cake. The kitchen is filled with the scent of orange and sherry and spice. If he closes his eyes he's brought back to a dozen happy Christmases, to easier times and warm Christmas nights.

He has been ignoring the _Chenle stiuation_ with as much grace as is possible, considering the circumstances. He had greeted him politely, even warmly, this morning, when Chenle had been waiting outside of the bakery for his shift to begin. Jeno had smiled, said _good morning,_ with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

And yes, Jeno had disappeared into the kitchen to make the puddings immediately, and yes he had ignored all of Chenle's attempts to talk to him, but all things considering he thinks he's doing pretty well. Well enough that he can hum along to the Christmas music playing in the main bakery and slipping under the door of the kitchen.

Jeno is adding the sherry to another batch of pudding, humming to himself, and the door clicks open.

He hopes that it's Jisung. Jeno prays that he'll look up and he won't find Chenle's beautiful eyes staring back at him. But of course, when Jeno turns his head, Chenle is hovering in the doorway.

He's paler than usual, with shadows under his eyes, but he meets Jeno's gaze. Jeno's face softens, just slightly. He turns back to the pudding though, placing the small bottle of sherry down on the counter and staring at the label.

"Hyung." Chenle says. He takes another step into the room.

"Hey." Jeno greets. He offers an easy smile, though he can feel his pulse in his ears. The silence that follows feels tense and scared and warm, and Jeno wants to run from it.

"Can we talk?" Chenle finally asks.

"About what?" Jeno asks, lightly.

"Don't be difficult. You _know_ what." Chenle steps closer, his hand tapping on the counter as he walks. His voice is firm. "You haven't been answering my calls."

"I've been busy."

"Yeah, right." Chenle steps closer again, and the closer he is the harder it is for Jeno to breathe. "Look, I get it, hyung, okay? I just really want to talk to you about-"

"Can you just drop it, please, Chenle?" Jeno asks, still in that light tone. "Because I really don't think there's anything to talk about. I told you that I... and we've resolved it. I just need a little time, and then we can get back to normal, so if you could just stop bringing it up-"

"You're not _listening_ to me." Jeno turns his head in surprise at the sharp tone in Chenle's voice. Chenle looks back at him with blazing eyes. "Could you just stop and listen to me, please?"

Jeno's hands are trembling when he turns around. Chenle's hair is tucked behind his ears, his apron loose on his shoulders, and he should look young, should look vulnerable, yet there's always been this fire in him. He never backs down. And even though Jeno can see the shadows under his eyes, and he can see Chenle playing nervously with the string of his apron, he knows Chenle is in control. Jeno looks away, focusing on the flour stain on Chenle's trousers.

"Look, about before, I just didn't-" Chenle takes in a breath. He raises his hand, and his palm is cool when it presses against Jeno's cheek. "Hey. Come on. Look at me.”

So Jeno, at Chenle's mercy, does. And just as he fears, his heart still jumps when he looks into Chenle's face.

"Better." Chenle murmurs. Jeno can't read his face, he never could, and he feels as if he's stranded at sea. He smells the citrus and the sherry and the rising Christmas pudding. He feels this mix, of feeling at home in winter and yet so cold and in pain. He wonders how love can feel so lovely and so terrible at the same time.

"Listen," Chenle begins, and his throat trembles as he swallows. "I-"

The door bursts open again.

“Hey, there’s a customer out here asking for-“ Hyuck pauses, his face brightening when he sees the scene in the kitchen. Jeno steps away from Chenle quickly. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

Chenle turns to Donghyuck with a scowl.

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, right.” Hyuck says.

Chenle looks back at Jeno, but Jeno doesn’t return his gaze.

“Hyung, I-“

“Just get back to work, Chenle.” Jeno says, turning his back to Chenle.

There’s another silence, heavy and warm. Then Jeno feels hands on his back.

“Your apron is tangled.” Chenle says quietly. “That’s not like you, boss.”

Yeah, well, Jeno thinks, I’ve had other things to think about lately.

Jeno hates how Chenle lingers behind him. He hates how Chenle smells like chocolate and honey, so much lovelier than even the festive scent in the kitchen. He hates how he wants to lean back, but can’t.

“This conversation isn’t over.” Chenle warns.

Jeno sighs. So much for a peaceful winter, he thinks. He listens to the sound of Chenle walking away.

*

Somehow, Renjun and Jaemin always know that something is wrong. Jeno loves them for it, even though the attention makes him embarassed. In fact, all he needs sometimes is to see them there, waiting to comfort him.

So when he opens his door after his hard shift and finds his two best friends there in his hallway, with matching kind smiles and open arms, he melts into their embrace without hesitation. It isn’t long before they’re all bundled up together on the sofa, and Jeno feels loved and at home.

“So.” Jaemin says, his breath tickling Jeno’s ear, “Do you want you tell us what’s going on?”

“Of course he doesn’t.” Renjun teases, “Have you met Jeno?”

Jeno chuckles, held tightly in his friend’s arms. The television is humming, an old movie that provides a comforting backdrop to the moment. The three of them have been through a lot together, and Jeno doesn't know if there's anywhere in the world he'd feel more comfortable.

"Well?" Jaemin asks.

If he wanted to, Jeno could tell them everything. How he's spent so long tired, and sad, missing his Mom and wanting Chenle to love him back. But he thinks, by now, that's he's talked enough. So he just burrows deeper into their arms.

"That's fine too." Renjun jokes, and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

Jeno has never been able to cry, or at least, he doesn't cry often. Still, at times like this, when the emotion overpowers him... he wishes he could. He's not used to showing weakness, but everyone wants to be vulnerable, at some point. Maybe, he thinks, warm in a comforting hug, this is how you heal. Through letting others see you when you're weak.

"Ah, we miss you," Jaemin sighs, "I'm sorry I've been so busy with the restaurant."

"It's okay. How is the place?"

"Our Christmas menu is a hit." Jaemin says, and Jeno smiles, as if the good news is his own.

"Good." Jeno smiles.

"You smell like Christmas pudding." Renjun says.

"Yeah," Jaemin says, "It's super fruity."

"Well, guess what's new on the menu."

"Your Christmas puddings!" Renjun says happily, "Oh, good. I wait all year for them."

The weight of his sadness is slowly fading, and Jeno's smiles feel more real by the second. The sound of the television is soothing, and Jaemin is humming as he threads his fingers through Jeno's hair. Outside the snow falls genty, white and calm.

"Are we having a Christmas party at the bakery this year?" He asks.

Jeno pauses. It does lighten his spirits to think of his bakery being decorated with tinsel and lights, and his friends surrounding him. Still, when he's reminded of Chenle last year, tinsel in his hair, his heart aches.

"Of course." Jeno murmurs.

Once Jaemin and Renjun have left, Jeno is left alone in his home, with only the hum of the television for company. Though the moon is shining through the kitchen windows, Jeno knows he won't be able to sleep. He kneels down to get a packet of raisins from the cupboard.

"If I'm not going to sleep anyway," He says to himself, pulling on the apron slung over a kitchen chair, "Then I might as well make the most of tonight. Christmas cake, it is."

Jeno turns off the television and turns the radio on, instead. Warm Christmas music plays through the speaker, and he smiles determinedly to himself. When he dances around the kitchen, baking a cake he's made a million times before, Jeno feels at home. He feels like his mother is in the room with him, dancing along too.

The stars are twinkling, the Christmas lights in Jeno's kitchen sparkling on the clean surfaces. The room smells of a sweet white Christmas. Then the doorbell rings.

Jeno pauses. He had just finished putting the Christmas cake in the oven.

"Who could it be, at this time of night?" He murmurs, wiping his hands on a towel and stepping out into the hallway.

When he pulls open the front door, he's surprised to see Chenle standing there. He's covered in snow, smiling sheepishly, and there's a container held tightly in his arms. His hat is pulled over his ears, and he's shivering while Jeno blinks at him.

"Chenle?"

"Hi, hyung." He says, balancing the container in his arms, "Can I come in?"

Jeno doesn't know what to say.

"It's cold." Chenle says, and Jeno worldlessly steps aside to let him pass.

Chenle shrugs off his shoes before turning back to face Jeno.

"Have you been making Christmas cake?" He asks.

Still surprised, Jeno nods.

"I can smell it. It's nice." Chenle says. He holds out the container, "Would you hold this, for a second?"

Jeno watches as Chenle takes off his coat and hangs it on the coat rack. There are stars in his eyes, glittering when he takes off his hat and shakes the hair from his face.

"Better." Chenle says, and holds out his arms again, "Follow me."

Chenle steps into the living room, and Jeno follows.

"Am I interrupting?" Chenle asks, gesturing with one hand to the three glasses on the table.

Jeno shakes his head, and Chenle nods, shifting from foot to foot. Though he'd burst into Jeno's house in a flurry of snow, he suddenly looks sheepish standing there in the living room. For a moment they look at each other under the dim light, and then Jeno clears his throat.

"Did you ride all of the way here?"

"Yeah," Chenle shrugs. "I, um,"

He opens the lid of the container and holds it out, and there's a delightful, endearing pink flush in his cheeks. It's a rare sight, Jeno thinks, and his heart is still trying to catch up with the moment. The seconds between Chenle's blush and Jeno reaching out to take the container seem hazy, like a flimsy dream. But when he takes the container in his hands, it's cool between his palms, and Jeno is grounded.

"What's this?"

"Strawberry shortcake." Chenle smiles, "I made it for you."

Jeno peers into the container. The bottom looks golden and fluffy, and its risen well. The strawberries and sauce, a bright red against the more subtly brown pastry, are inviting. The cake is prettier than any of Chenle's other creations. When Jeno tastes some of the sauce with his thumb, it's tastier too. Sweet and bright.

"Did you ride all of the way here in the snow just to bring me a strawberry shortcake?"

Chenle looks at him, soft dark hair falling over his eyes, the world in his smile, and nods.

"I was trying to think of a way to talk to you, hyung." He says, "Then I realised I could bake you something. It's all I'm good at, to be honest. And it's probably the only way to get through to you."

"Chenle-" He wants to apologise, for his unprofessional behaviour, for his cold words, but Chenle cuts him off.

"It's fine, I mean, I understand." Chenle says, "But if you don't listen to me, you'll listen to a cake, right?"

Jeno gives Chenle a crooked smile.

"Okay. What's the cake trying to tell me?" He asks.

"Ah." Chenle sits down on the sofa, and crosses his legs. He fits in Jeno's living room, as if he's meant to be there. "So _now_ you're listening."

But his smile is teasing, not hurt, and Jeno watches as he taps a rhythm on his knee with one finger.

"You know, none of this has been easy." Chenle says, "It's hard enough trying to learn at culinary school. Everyone else has had years of practice, but I'd studied business for so long that I feel like a fraud there. I'm so much older than everyone else but I just keep making mistakes, and this damned project is going to be the death of me."

Jeno opens his mouth to interrupt, to tell him he's a wonderful baker with so much promise, but Chenle stops him with a hand.

"Then I found your bakery, and all I could think about back then was how much _better_ you were than me. You bake so easily, hyung, and whenever I watched you I would think _I want to be like him._ I mean, it's embarassing, but I admired you so much." Chenle rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, "To be honest, you're the best hyung. My happiest times have been spent in the bakery."

Mine, too, Jeno thinks.

"And however much I teased you, you never got sick of me." Chenle's smile widens, "I cover you in flour and you just throw it right back at me."

Jeno can't help but smile back.

"So when you told me you loved me, I guess I was just-" Chenle hesitates, "I was _surprised,_ hyung. I thought, what does he see in someone like me? You're such a good baker and I'm-"

Again, Jeno tries to interrupt, but Chenle doesn't let him.

"Just _listen._ " Chenle says, "Because I'm not sure how do to this, and I've never been in love before, but I'll try for you hyung, okay? I do love you."

Isn't that just like Chenle, to meet everything head on, to face every challenge with heart and bravery? Jeno's heart pounds in his chest as the words sink in. _I do love you._

Jeno places the strawberry shortcake onto the table and sits down gently beside Chenle.

"Do you mean that?" He asks, quietly. He searches Chenle's eyes for a sign this is just another of his jokes, but Jeno knows Chenle better than that. Chenle tilts his head and smiles.

"Of course I do." He says warmly, "I'd never joke about anything like that."

On the sofa, Chenle takes Jeno's warm hand in his cold one and intertwines their fingers.

"I'm not good at a lot, hyung. But you know I'll work hard." He says, "So, if you'll have me, I want to be with you."

Jeno's stomach feels warm and fuzzy. The sincerity in Chenle's eyes makes him feel nervous, but at home, and he can't look away.

"Really?" He breathes.

Chenle's thumb brushes over the back of his hand.

"To be honest, it's going to be great having a boyfriend who owns a bakery." He teases, "I'm gonna get a bunch of free stuff."

Jeno chuckles and presses their foreheads together. He breathes in Chenle, and it hasn't yet sunk in that this is just the beginning. That the hurt and longing he'd suffered through will be replaced, now, with long nights and stupid arguments and laughter.

"Not a chance." He murmurs, his eyes fluttering shut.

Chenle's other hand lands on the back of Jeno's neck, and he thinks Chenle might kiss him when the oven starts beeping from the kitchen.

"Ah, sorry." Jeno smiles, shaky, and stands, "I'll be one second."

The timer was just to check the cake was rising alright. Alone in the kitchen, Jeno glances in the oven to check it before taking a deep breath and going to stand by the window. He stares out into the snow, grinning, and tries to steady his breathing. How had this happened? He feels as light as the snowflakes on the window. Chenle _loves_ him. He presses a hand over his smiling mouth.

Arms wrap around his back, and a chin rests on his shoulder.

"What are you smiling about?" Chenle asks, hugging him from behind.

Jeno leans back into the embrace. He can see the two of them in the reflection of the window, and they look at each other through it.

"Hi." Jeno says.

"Hey," Chenle smiles, in his mischievous sort of way, and presses a kiss to the back of Jeno's neck. "Come back into the living room. And bring spoons, would you? I made the strawberry shortcake for us to _eat."_

Jeno does as he's told. He takes spoons into the living room and sits beside Chenle again.

"Finally." Chenle says, resting his feet in Jeno's lap. He's already taking liberties, Jeno thinks fondly, but he wouldn't want it to be any other way.

"Be patient," Jeno says, flicking Chenle's ankle. His heart is still racing, but Chenle's company is as comfortable as it is exhilarating.

"Come _on._ Try it." Chenle says, and Jeno can tell he's excited for him to try the cake. So he takes a huge piece in his spoon and takes a bite.

It's almost unbearably sweet. The pastry is soft and a nice balance with the cold, tangy strawberry sauce. It was made with care, with youth, with happiness, and Jeno tastes that. He feels every emotion and thought that Chenle put into the cake.

"It's gorgeous." Jeno says, and Chenle grins proudly.

"It is, right? I think it's my best yet."

"You know, I don't think I could make a strawberry shortcake as good as this." Jeno grins when Chenle raises an eyebrow. "No, I mean it!"

"Okay, now you're just flattering me." Chenle says, but he's pleased, Jeno can tell. He takes another bite of the cake, and Chenle watches him.

"Are you not going to have some?"

Chenle's smile grows.

"Nah. I'm fine just watching you."

Jeno's heart flutters and he looks away, taking another bite of cake.

"I'm sorry," He says, suddenly, "I feel like I was unfair to you. I didn't listen to what you had to say and I was unprofessional-"

"Stop." Chenle laughs, nudging Jeno's stomach with one of his feet. "It's fine. I mean, what else were you meant to think?"

"Okay, true." Jeno says, "I don't think there's many ways to interpret having a door slammed in your face."

"Yah." Chenle whines, "I was just surprised. And anyway, I baked you a cake, so you can't keep bringing that up."

"Oh, is that how it works?" Jeno asks, feeling affectionate when Chenle pouts. He leans forward and kisses his forehead.

"Yeah," Chenle says, his wicked grin softening as he touches the spot on his forehead where Jeno had kissed him. He realises what he's doing and turns pink. "A-Anyway, why is it so quiet in here? Turn the TV on."

"You could say please." Jeno grins, but turns the television on anyway.

A bakery show plays quietly. Chenle scowls.

"You're not telling me that you bake all day, and then you come home and bake more, and then you watch baking shows..." Chenle says.

"Um."

"Oh my god." Chenle laughs, "Give me the remote."

"But it gives me tips." Jeno pouts.

"Where's the remote? Give it to me."

"It's educational." Jeno says. Then he sees Chenle spot the remote on the arm of the chair, and grabs it quickly just before Chenle lunges for it.

"Give me it."

"No." Jeno laughs, holding it above his head. Chenle tries to climb over him to grab it, but Jeno's arm is held out too far.

"Hyung," Chenle says, trying to stretch, "Give me-"

Chenle's voice trails away when he realises their position. He's on top of Jeno, looking down into his face, their chests pressed together. The world world stills into that very moment, with Chenle's eyes and the warmth of his body. He smells like strawberries and the bakery.

Then Chenle leans down and kisses him sweetly. It feels like Christmas morning, and Jeno melts, his free arm winds around Chenle's back and pulls him closer.

"Gotcha." Chenle says, against his mouth, and yanks the remote from his hand. It takes Jeno, flushed and warm, a moment before he realises what's happened.

"Yah!" He says, as Chenle switches over to a Christmas movie, "You can't use kisses as leverage."

"It serves you right." Chenle says smugly, and tucks himself into Jeno's side. He rests a head on Jeno's shoulder. "Come on, this is much better."

As always, Chenle gets his way. They sit together in a comfortable silence and let the old Christmas movie play. Chenle plays with Jeno's fingers, smiling as he watches the film.

"You know," Chenle says, "You're supposed to be watching the _movie,_ not me."

Jeno turns pink and looks away. He sinks into the sofa, though, comfortable and warm as the snow falls outside. Winter has always been his favourite season - and its even dreamier when he spends it with his best friend, with the love of his life. He closes his eyes and dozes, and after a while, falls asleep there. Weary but happy, he lets himself rest.

Jeno wakes to the sound of the oven beeping. Chenle's head is in his lap, and e's breathing softly as he sleeps. Jeno looks down into his beautiful face for a moment, entranced by the way Chenle's eyelashes flutter as he dreams. Then he stands slowly and tries not to wake him.

In the kitchen, Jeno takes the Christmas cake out of the oven. He puts the strawberry shortcake in the fridge and sighs happily, rubbing his eyes. He feels sleepy and content. He wanders back into the living room.

Chenle is curled up on the sofa, and when he hears Jeno enter he opens one eye. He opens his arms sleepily.

"C'mere." He says.

"It's late." Jeno murmurs, but it's a useless resistance. He'll be curled up in Chenle's arms soon enough.

"C'mere." Chenle says again, and so Jeno climbs up beside him and sleeps in his embrace, warm and glowing.

*

The snow won't stop falling.

Jeno feels a snowflake on the tip of his nose as soon as he steps out of his car. He smiles, looking up at the white sky for a moment. Winter makes everything beautiful and sweet - it reminds him of Christmases by the fire, of making snowmen and throwing snowballs. For the first time in a long time he feels youthful, surrounded by the gifts of winter.

As he does most mornings, Jeno steps out into the street and across the road to his bakery. _Sweet Lee's_ sits waiting for him. His creation, his home. As Jeno gets closer, he sees a figure in the doorway, and his heart lifts. Seeing Chenle always brightens his day.

Chenle is balancing a lot of decorations in his arms, and he looks like he's going to drop them any moment now. Still, he grins when he sees Jeno walking towards him.

"Morning, boss." He sees, giving Jeno a quick kiss.

"What's all that?"

"It's for the bakery, of course." Chenle says, "We've got to decorate. It's close to Christmas now."

"Of course." Jeno laughs, "Do you need help with those?"

"Nah, just open the door for me, would you?" Chenle asks. Jeno puts the key in the lock and opens the door for him, and Chenle stumbles inside with the decorations in his arms. "Okay, we've got tinsel, and lights, and-"

Jeno listens to his boyfriend ramble and watches him put the decorations on a table as he makes them coffee. The bakery is a little chilly, but it'll soon warm up - in the meantime, Jeno keeps his coat on and listens to Chenle talk about Christmas decorations. He brings Chenle a cup of coffee once they're finished, and presses a kiss to his hairline.

"Come and help me with this." Chenle says. He wraps a line of tinsel around his neck and grins.

"Is that misteltoe?" Jeno teases, holding the plant in the air, and Chenle scowls and grabs it from him.

"Mistletoe is a Christmas decoration too." Chenle grumbles. Jeno tugs at the tinsel around Chenle's neck and Chenle glares at him. Cute, Jeno thinks.

They decorate the bakery together, hanging tinsel and lights around the room. Chenle hums to himself as he does it, tinsel still around his neck, and Jeno glances at him every now and then. He loves him so much, finds him so sweet and good and endearing, but it doesn't _hurt_ anymore. Because Chenle looks back at him now, and smiles in a secret way that's meant just for the two of them.

"Are you excited for the party?" Chenle asks. The decorations are done, and he looks around the bakery with pride.

"Of course I am." Jeno says warmly. They stand together, watching the snow fall.

"My cat misses you." Chenle says, giving Jeno a smile. "You have to see her again soon."

"Sure." Jeno smiles back. They're so lost in each other they don't notice when the door tinkles open. They don't know they aren't alone until they hear Donghyuck's voice.

"Well, would you look at that." Hyuck drawls. "Mistletoe."

He's dangling it above their heads. Jeno laughs, and Chenle tries to take it from him.

"Put that back." Chenle whines.

"Oh, come on. Just a kiss." Hyuck says, "It's a Christmas tradition."

"I hate you."

"Yeah, right." Hyuck grins.

Chenle rolls his eyes and presses a warm kiss to Jeno's cheek.

"There." He says, "Are you happy now?"

Jeno pulls Chenle back to him by his waist, and kisses him deeply, the tinsel around Chenle's shoulders tickling Jeno's neck. He smiles into the kiss when Chenle melts and wraps his arms around Jeno's neck.

"Much better." Hyuck laughs.

Jeno winks at Donghyuck when he pull away from Chenle, who still clings to him .

"Boss." Chenle whines, flushed up to his ears, "Don't encourage him."

"I would never." Jeno says, though he secretly loves enabling chaos in his bakery.

Later that day, their friends will arrive, and they'll laugh and drink mulled wine at the tables in the bakery. Later, Chenle will smile at him from across the room, the whole universe in his eyes. Later, Jeno will look around at his family, in the bakery that he built from the ground up, and know one thing: that no matter what goes wrong, he'll always have a home to go back to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CRIES I ENDED UP LOVING THIS UNIVERSE SO MUCH
> 
> I WAS SO NERVOUS BUT BY THE END I LVOED JT
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING
> 
> THIS WAS A GIFT FOR MY SECRET SANTA HEHE BUT IT ENDED UP BEING A GIFT TO MYSELF TOO ;-; 
> 
> imagine JENLE BAKING IN THAT BAKERY FOREVER PLS OKAY-
> 
> hope you enjoyed the cozy bakery for a few chapters <3 maybe I’ll come back here one day!


End file.
